I love pixie sticks even though they are just glorified sugar wrapped in paper and leave your mouth feeling like you took sandpaper to the roof of it. There’s just something about the silliness of tipping your head back and pouring the obnoxiously bright sugar on your tongue; half eating it, half choking on it because you inhaled it. There’s no proper or sophisticated way to eat them and in no way can they be considered a casual, grown-up snack. The taste reminds me of barefooted summer days in bib overalls playing on the swings with pigtails flying in the breeze. I can smell the grass, feel the stickiness on my fingers from the sugar I licked off them and hear my playmate giggling next to me. Pixie stix apparently stand for all that is my childhood and bring me deep in nostalgia.
As adults, we look back on those childhood days as carefree and full of light and laugher. We are filled with envy looking up from our cubicles, our piles of bills, our screaming children, our packed schedules, and our responsibility that is around every corner. In those childhood days we were truly free in so many ways, ways that we were blissfully unaware of.
It’s that blissful ignorance that we long for.
To be unaware of the pain of the world is truly a gift. This ignorance is the “get out of jail free card” because how could you be blamed for anything, feel the crushing weight of guilt if you never knew what was happening in the first place? Freed from the guilt of seeing so many suffering, so many in pain, so much human need before your eyes every corner you turn. So many times we walk past that man on the street desperately begging for a coin to fund his next meal, or that coworker’s office who has just gone through a messy, drawn-out divorce, or the mom working multiple jobs clearly exhausted and carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. It’s in the eyes of the man who has worked hard and gained everything; success, money, power, a beautiful house and picture perfect family- but that man is torn apart inside with self-loathing; he is never enough, never has enough, and desperately tries to push down the feelings inside with any available remedy. The gut-wrenching pain of looking into the eyes of an abused and neglected child- the horror and disgust that makes you want to fall to the ground sobbing and at the same time rip someone to shreds to bring some sort of justice. Or what about the suffering in your own life? The lie that plays on repeat in your mind- I am nothing, I hate who I am, I have no purpose, I am a failure, I am a coward, I can’t get out of this- the lies that jab somewhere deep and vulnerable day after day. All of this pain- some far removed and some that resides within our very selves- is what we instinctually flee and do not want to face.
A child, however, has not seen what we have. That child is pure in the truest sense; they have not seen these things, heard of them, and have yet to experience them. They may feel pain, discontent, anger, and sadness, but they have no idea the extent of these things in the world that awaits. They live in each moment where a minute seems an eternity and where encountering something new is still a gift. A child is brutally honest to the point of offending others; they have no reason to filter their thoughts or to live by others’ rules of how to govern their words and put on the appropriate mask. They don’t have enough of a concept of the future to worry about it yet, consuming all free time paralyzed with anxiety. A child’s body is young, strong, and ecstasy comes when it’s pushed to its limit only to find that that limit has grown.
As adults we regret that we never appreciated these freedoms and joys that were so readily available. We grieve over the losses of innocence, of our idealistic views, of our true selves that slowly become torn down by the world and its inhabitants.
Now I don’t mean to be a pessimist, but at one time or another- especially at the worst of times- all of us have wished to turn back time and revert back to a time when life was a little simpler. This is a desire I believe to be innate and one that draws us closer to the only one who can provide us the freedom of childhood: God.
God has provided us with His son- a son that has walked through the joyful years of childhood into the darkening years of adulthood alongside of us- to restore that childhood to us. God has seen and even experienced the pain of our world and has not abandoned us, has not asked us to suffer with no hope. He gave us the gift of freedom, the gift of a restored innocence, the deepest intimacy we could ever desire, the most joy we could ever imagine. He has blessed us with a purpose, a new life through Jesus’ death on the cross; He has blessed us with utter perfection even through the horror of blood.
God has redeemed our childhood; He has restored all the things we so desperately, enviously desire, and has given us a perfect freedom if we only turn to Him.
Many more may mourn the children who never received a true childhood- perhaps it was even yourself. Even those God calls to experience what they have always hungered for through the pain that marred their innocence, their joy, and their security. In the bible it asks us “to become as little children (Matt 18:2-4)” so that we may enter the kingdom of heaven. He has given us the chance to leave behind the world and all the pain it contains, to release those responsibilities, masks, guilt, pride, and to walk into a relationship with Him. To live in the moment once again as a child we must trust that God will take all the things we have learned, we have worried about and agonized over, the things we have been terrified by- and use them for His glory according to His character. To release these things is saying that we understand no more than a mere infant, that in comparison to His glory and splendor we are nothing but a mote of dust in a sunbeam. Humbling absolutely, but that humility will be rewarded greater than you could ever understand. In Luke 9:46-48 Jesus himself takes a child by His side and says “whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. For he who is least among you is the one who is great.” Jesus also begged “let the children come to me (Matthew 19:4)” and then declared that unless we became like them we would never truly know Him. He asks us only to let go of our pain, desecration, and pride- all of the unseemly parts of ourselves we battle against day after day- to gain all of eternity.
Often I feel fear and uncertainty when I think of this crazy journey called the World Race that God has called me to. I am afraid to be immersed in human suffering, afraid of the pain that widening my worldview will cause, and so very terrified of being helpless. As a woman of God I am instead given the immense blessing of being able to give these things directly to my God and listen to Him guide me through the darkness in the world. Instead of being hopeless I am filled with joy at the prospect of having the opportunity to help others understand that they are able to be redeemed and discover that childlike freedom and innocence for themselves through Jesus. Instead of being disheartened and torn apart by the darkness and pain, I instead rest with peace and eagerly learn to view the world through God’s eyes.
Through God’s eyes I grieve with Him over the lost, but rejoice that they are never forever lost and will soon find what it is to be a child of God.
