In these past few weeks leading up to training camp the Lord has gone out of His way to encourage me in the most surprising ways. I have been stressed out and anxious just trying to worry over every single little detail. Training camp is intimidating! I have to fly by myself for the first time; the only time I have even flown in the U.S. and the first time going through the process of buying tickets. I have to meet all the people that I will spend the next year with, the people who will become my family. I have no details which is both freeing and terrifying at the same time- just left with where to fly in and what time to meet and that I need to wear LOTS of orange (P Squad represent!). I had to pack up my backpack for the first time and realize that that’s going to be it for a year. I struggled not being able to over-prepare and be ready for anything by packing up my entire room. I also have had to get all my work shifts taken, will be missing almost two weeks of classes, convince my Professors to let me make things up and that I’m not taking a spontaneous vacation, as well as figure out how to pick up and leave other roles right in the thick of things. All of those on top of normal life worries and the terror of impending graduation and leaving all my friends and the life I love has been… a lot.
And through all of this God has gone out of His way to show me that He cares immensely, even about the stupidest, tiniest things that I refuse to bring to Him because they don’t matter.
Lately I have been learning that life isn’t all about me. I have realized that sometimes I need to just stop constantly asking for things- even good things- and just sit and listen and seek to know God more. It has been so challenging to let go of all that is going on in my life and to cut out all the distractions and to just meditate on God. First of all, there’s just a whole lot of stuff going around and around in my brain all the time and by thinking about things I feel that I am doing something productive. Instead God has challenged me to give them completely to Him and trust Him enough that He is true to His word and will take care of it. I am logical, a problem-solver, a fixer- whatever you want to call it, that’s just how I work. This makes letting go of things that I haven’t completely worked out- even for 15 minutes- so difficult. God of course has known that right now that is just what I need- rest.
What has really broken me down is the ways that He has taken care of me when I do give Him these things. He’s encouraged me through other people without them even knowing how much of an impact they had made on my life- through little words, or praying for me about the exact things I had been struggling with that day, encouraging stories of success in areas that I thought I was failing, or even my roommate who literally just knocked on my door and brought me food when I was worried about eating and felt a little guilty holed up in my room typing this instead of socializing. I haven’t even been praying about these things because they just didn’t seem important enough to spend time on, but God has shown that He cares about even the tiniest things in my life and that He knows me better than I do. It’s those little fears that aren’t logical, definitely aren’t true, but still somehow stick that God has just been whisking away! My only reaction can be complete and utter amazement that the God of the universe, of all time, and the One True King cares about me even when my life is pretty darn great.
And so here comes training camp- I fly out of Green Bay crazy early and then who knows what is going to happen! I am excited for this opportunity to just leave real life behind for a little bit and give all of those concerns over to the Lord for a bit and be able to give my full attention to Him for the next 10 days. I still can’t believe that the support deadline was reached and that God has chosen me out of all people to do this. No school, no obligations, no homework, no distractions, no interruptions, no working, and just a whole lot of Jesus-loving people- I can’t wait!
