So for ten days I pushed my life aside and flew down to Georgia for something called training camp. Now that it’s over, it’s difficult to believe that it even really happened. In fact, I wouldn’t believe it besides the fact that there’s bright red clay staining my Chacos and the pack that exploded its contents all over my room. So much happened in such a short time that I have no idea where to begin to process- and that’s odd for me. I’m the kind of person who’s always inside my head thinking and dreaming and usually have no trouble journaling pages upon pages of thoughts; but my journal still stands blank.
The best way I have found to help people understand what happened at training camp is to describe it as Technicolor. It was saturated with, well, everything! An assault on the senses- it was as if I was seeing in black and white up until this point in my relationship with God and in ministry, but now this whole new world that transcends just shading and depth has exploded in front of my eyes. Dramatic, but accurate.
There were so many things to learn and to take in! We were challenged by speakers to look at God in a new way, to stretch the borders of our understanding and of who He is and to let go and revel in the freedom and newness of it all. My picture of Him became a bit clearer and a whole lot more colorful which made me just want to worship Him with all my heart. I watched as He changed the lives of my squadmates around me, watched as He healed inner wounds that have lasted their entire lives, watched as the tears of freedom poured down their faces. I watched as people worshiped God with shouts of joy and dancing feet and the biggest smiles I have ever seen. For the first time, I felt physical healing happen under my own hand and was so amazed that I could do nothing but stare; overwhelmed by my God’s power and sovereignty. There was so much beauty and love, that I had no idea what to do with it all- or how to cram it all in my memory.
I knew God before this camp and had heard His voice clearly, but this experience has piqued my desire for Him, to know Him and to serve Him in any way possible. And I think that’s what is supposed to happen; we talk all about this Christian thing being a personal relationship with God, but my desire for Him has never felt quite like this. I think for the first time my heart truly wants what my mind already knows and has studied and attempted to understand; God’s love for us is everlasting, filled with Grace, boundless, and unstoppable.
With all of this Technicolor, there was also a whole lot of exhaustion. I felt like an infant that would get too overstimulated when too many new things were presented in a short amount of time. And there was a lot going on all the time! New food, new ways of eating that food, new people, new ways of prayer and worship, new ideas, new stories, new environment, new teams… you get the picture. One thing to the next thing with very few breaks in between and no real alone time at all. Which was rough, but also a picture into what it is going to be like over the next year. Control over circumstances is not going to be something that I will often have or even time away from the people I do life and ministry with. To cope with all this newness, I observed and drank it in so that I could sort out all the tangles of color in my mind later to again create a coherent picture. So here I am; looking at all the snarls and clumps of bright colors ready to start untangling them to see what they have to show me. I will let you know when I find something recognizable!
