For me, money is always at the top of my list of worries. I am constantly adding and subtracting in my head every time I work or spend something. I feel guilty when I buy things and for the fact that I have money while so many around the world don’t. I worry constantly about finances for college, trying to figure out a way to at least get throughpaying my own way and cringe at the interest costs that are piling on. Sometimes I get sick of all the worry and rebel (against myself?) by splurging on something I want and then immediately regret it. On top of all this, I have to raise over 15 grand to go on this mission trip that God called me to.
Honestly, support raising is a lot of work and awkward most of the time. You are constantly planning fundraisers, making calls, sending tons of e-mails and letters, meeting with people, all on top of normal life- mine consists of continued ministry and a LOT of working this summer at a factory. It’s not only a lot of stress, but can be a bit scary at times. I’m a complete conflict-avoider, so I don’t really want to rub people the wrong way by not only doing this “Jesus thing,” but also having the audacity to ask for money on top of it! I also just plain hate talking on the phone and get really awkward and say stupid things. Not all that helpful when I haven’t talked to many of these people in years. Or ever.
But I’m still doing it. Why?
I wouldn’t be support raising if I didn’t believe that this was my God-given purpose and if I wasn’t really called. Through all of the barriers that are coming up, I keep asking God, “Are You sure?” And every time He has given me a very clear answer: “YES.” So part of my choice is obedience. If He says” go,” I say “when?” If He says “now,” I say “okay!” Obedience to God is not something I take lightly, nor does the bible. I think this familiar passage states it well:
46 “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you? 47 Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: 48 he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. 49 But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great (Luke 6:46-49).”
I love the very first sentence: “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do what I tell you?” It doesn’t really get any more blunt than that! I will be obedient not just because it is a law, or a rule, but because God’s plan is better than mine. He knows what is to come, He has created me and everything I know, and He loves me more than I could imagine and proved it by sacrificing His son to give unconditional forgiveness. I’m not perfect; I disobey Him, but I do not take that lightly. The World Race is my current call, and I am choosing to say yes and place my faith in God, not what I like or what’s easy.
Another tough part of this fundraising journey is how humbling it is. I don’t like to ask people for help and definitely don’t like to ask for money. I have a really hard time trusting anyone to do things that are important to me except myself. For goodness sakes, I don’t even like group projects! God has been humbling me and showing me the selfishness and pride in my ways. I am so afraid of being rejected, failing, or being let down that it is hard for me to let anyone in on, well, anything. And here He has given me a huge heart for missions, something that I have never cared about or thought about before. Now I am constantly aware of all of the hurt and pain in the world, sick of sitting back and witnessing it, and desperately want to help, desperately want others to share in the Hope and Love that I have in Christ. I tried so hard to push away the call to the World Race, tried so hard to not care so that I couldn’t try to go and fail, but God broke down those barriers completely. He has blessed me with a tiny glimpse through His eyes of His great love for His children, and I will never be the same. So I have to let go of my pride, let go of my baggage and open myself up to relying and trusting others, letting them love me, and being honest with my views.
Though these things are all tough, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Sometimes I get sick of it all and just want to quit, but other times I am so blessed by others’ generosity that I can’t do anything but curl up and cry and think “why me?!” I’m no different or better than anyone else, but this is the Lord’s plan for me. I am so excited to be obedient and to not only get to help people all over the world, but be the hands and feet for those people who support me on the journey. I didn’t believe that you could be changed by donating money to someone, but boy was I wrong. By donating to others, I have learned that if you put money into something, you start caring a whole lot more. You pay attention to what’s being done, you rejoice when beautiful things happen and you pray fervently when they don’t. You are a part of something bigger, something outside of yourself that you may not be able to physically do. I have been just as blessed by giving to others as I have by going to be honest.
Money has been my master for years now, plaguing me with worry, guilt, regret, fear, and greed, but I only answer to the true master; God. He is master over all, creator of all, and has forgiven the biggest debt that I will ever accumulate, a debt with the eternal penalty of death; my sin. I am freed from the only debt that actually matters! God definitely knows what He’s doing and constantly calls me to things that not only require me to love others in a big way, but to accept the love and help others give me. He is bringing freedom into my life; money is no longer my master.
And With all these words, what I’m really trying to say is that I need you. I can’t do this without the donations and support of the people who God has placed in my path and I honestly do want to serve you by allowing you to be a part of something more. I don’t want to trick or guilt people into giving and am striving to be as honest, vulnerable, and “real,” as I can be throughout this process. I would be blessed to have you join my team through a financial donation or even through prayer (e-mail me at [email protected])- this trip isn’t going to happen without both.
To donate, click on the “support me!” link to the left of this page or visit this blog post for more information: http://emilybjerstedt.theworldrace.org/?filename=donation-information
