This blog entry is for my teammates who are about to embark on this journey with me. First off, I’d like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your prayers, love and support. The vulnerability you’ve shown and the truth you have spoken into my life has made a world of difference and words can’t express how appreciative I am! I’m so excited to spend the next 11 months growing with you! You already feel like family to me.
To be honest, I’ve been a little overwhelmed by this trip lately; stressed about fundraising and having doubts about my purpose on this race. When I first applied, I felt called to a life of abandonment for Christ. Now, as launch approaches, I’ve been afraid of leaving everything behind. I’ll be leaving my family, my friends (who may as well be my family,) and my precious kitty I’ve had less than a year. I’ll be abandoning my vegan diet (because here is NO way that will be sustainable on the race,) and hobbies I love, like rock climbing, driving and dancing. I’ll be leaving my home that’s familiar and my stable, well-paying career that I’ve worked so hard for and that (most days) I love, with colleagues I’ve grown close to, benefits I need and a union that protects me. It’s a scary situation, because all those things listed make up my life. They’re what keep me comfortable and I’m about to trade that comfort for days without showers, nights in tents that will be too hot to sleep in, food that tastes strange and bathrooms that have no toilet paper of their own. I’m afraid of not fitting in, but I’m also afraid of becoming so close to people, the void will be too deep to handle when it’s over. I’m afraid of burnout and homesickness. I will be pushing myself to my limits both physically and emotionally and the thought of that terrifies me. But God doesn’t call us to a life of comfort. He calls us to serve him, whatever the cost.
I saw the movie Divergent in theaters recently and while it got a lot of bad reviews, there was something about it that really resonated with me! For those of you who haven’t seen it or read any of the books, society is made up of five factions, one of which is called Dauntless. Members of this group are strong and courageous. They’re free and willing to face their fears. After seeing the film, I recalled the same title being assigned to one of the U.S. Navy ships during World War II. I was intrigued by the name and decided to look up the definition. Here is what I found:
Dauntless (adj): Cannot be intimidated or discouraged; fearless; bold; brave
I know it seems a bit cliché to compare our team to a group in a movie, but seeing as we are D-squad, the title seemed appropriate for us. We are Dauntless! The fears I listed above are just my personal fears. Some teammates share my worries. Others are afraid of spiders, or being vulnerable, or being put in harm’s way. In the end though, we’ve all decided to be brave. We’ve decided to be dauntless. It takes a lot of courage to leave a life of familiarity and comfort, for one that is completely foreign. It takes bravery to lean not on our own understanding, but to trust in Him completely. We’ve all had doubts. We’ve all had days of anxiety and apprehension. But we’ve also been called to serve a God that is greater than all our fears combined, and so we will rise above them to ignite a fire for his kingdom and spread his passion throughout our world. I’m so proud to be a member of D-Squad I’m excited to do life with you all!
