Have you ever been to a place you didn't know existed, but as soon as you were there, it instantly became one of your most favorite places, and you have no idea how you never knew it existed before? Did that question even make any sense?
Last year I was in Disneyland with some friends, on the California Adventures side, going through one of the drawing exhibits, Off the Page, that I hadn't been in before. One of my friends, shocked I hadn't seen it yet, tells me I am going to love the next room we will walk into. And oh my goodness, was he right.
As we walked into a replica of the library from Beauty and the Beast, I immediately felt at home. Like, immediately. I couldn't stop smiling. Beauty and the Beast has always been my favorite Disney movie. It's the best one. Obviously. And I love libraries. Love them. Some of my favorite places are in libraries. So to be in a place just like the library in my favorite childhood movie made me wonder how I never knew this room existed, since it was so wonderful.
Now, I could draw the parallel that this is how our relationship with God is. That we never know until we get there how wonderful it is, and then we wonder how we never knew it was there in the first place. Because God's plan for us will always be the best. The most beautifully scripted. The one that is home.
But instead of drawing that comparison (even though I already kind of did), I'm going to talk about what I discovered about myself, there in that library. Part of the room is an interactive game you play, a quiz that tells you which prince or princess you are most like. One of the questions asks "Are you ruled by logic or passion?" I instantly chose "logic", but my friend looked at me funny and said he thought I made decisions based on passion.
This absolutely confused me. I had always thought of myself as a logical, rational decision maker. Not ruled by passion at all. And here is one of my close friends telling me that they disagree, and see me as more passionate. It doesn't make sense to me. For a while anyways.
I slowly begin to discover that all my "logic" is really my way of rationalizing my way out of things I want because of fear. I had been allowing fear to make my decisions, hiding behind the falsehood that it wasn't rational or logical to do the things I felt passionate about. And God chose to use this good friend to help me realize all of this.
Since has begun the task of reevaluating my motives. Why do I do what I do? Because that is my desire, how I am created, or because I am afraid of the alternative? Obviously this doesn't mean I'm going to start around doing whatever pops into my head, acting on impulse. But I'm beginning to see a pattern of fear based decisions that need to be changed.
It's going to be a process. Important stuff always is. But I know I can trust that God is guiding me through this, that he doesn't want me to be fearful in my actions. He wants me to be sure in who I am, in Him. That in Him, I don't need to fear, because perfect love casts out fear. And I'm choosing to rest in that promise.
P.S. I was at training camp in Georgia last week. And it was amazing! I promise to blog about the incredible things God did at training camp, but this was weighing on my heart more. Also, I apologize again that I am a rather infrequent blogger. I will get better. To make up for it, here is a picture of the 55 new members of my family 🙂
