I've been staring at this piece of paper for a while now. Actually, I've been playing with it all day. It's a page ripped out of a phonebook, nothing special, with information from windows to youth organizations in a town I don't live in. I came to possess this little scrap of paper a week ago during a situation I honestly never thought I would find myself in. A friend mindlessly handed it to me to hold, as it had been wrapped around a letter they were reading, used to hide the contents of the letter from being seen through the envelope it had been in. Nothing special. Just a scrap piece of paper. Like all the other strange objects people hand me, I silently put it in my purse and forgot about it.
Until this morning. This morning I found it while I was getting ready for church, tucked away at the bottom of my purse. I pulled it out, realizing where it had come from, and I was overwhelmed with the beauty of God's timing. Now, this situation I found myself in last week, it was timed perfectly. I had no idea it was happening either. God had been teaching me about letting go, about trusting him, and once I took a huge step in that, he provided right back. It reminded me that he knows what he is doing, that it's not up to me anyway. Sometimes things just happen to us, and there is always a reason. Always. It was beautiful.
This little piece of paper I've been playing with all day had the purpose of hiding what was to come. It was used specifically so no one could peek at what was going to happen next until it was time to know. It was one of those "keep this letter, don't read it, and pass it on when I let you know" kind of things. Very 3rd grade, but still a bit fun. And because everyone involved just let it happen, trusting that whatever was inside was important enough to wait for, God used this unexpected thing to teach me again that his timing will always be right. I don't know what his plan is, and if I don't know where I'm going, why do I keep trying to get there by myself?
It got me thinking, what other pieces of paper have I been trying to see through. Really? How many other envelopes have I been trying to open early, trying to see through before it was time to know what was inside? Why do I have such a difficult time trusting in God's timing? I'm coming to understand that I struggle with this because I like knowing. I like knowing what's going to happen, and when, and how. It's nice. I also have a hard time believing some of these things I am waiting for will actually happen. Like if I don't grab at possibilities now, it will never really happen for me.
I've been putting God in a box. I haven't been trusting. And again and again he shows me that he knows what is best, that his timing is always right. People always say that God never gives us more than we can handle, and I believe that's true, but I also believe there's more to it. God puts us in places and situations that will draw us closer to him. Our circumstances are always designed in order to make the closest relationship possible. It all happens to keep drawing us deeper and deeper into relying on him. Always. For everything. In everything. When he wants it to happen.
So I'm going to stop trying to peek in the envelopes. I'm going to just let those little scraps of paper do their jobs, and trust that they will be removed when they are supposed to be. It's not up to me, and when I trust God I'll always be safe. Not safe in the "bad things won't happen to me" kind of way, but safe in the way of always being where I'm supposed to be, knowing that God has a plan for me.
"I saw the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will live in hope, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence." ~ Psalm 16:8-11
