Happy Thanksgiving! In our culture we celebrate Thanksgiving as a one-and-done deal. Don’t even get me started on how Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year, is the day after we practice thankfulness. I’m more interested in living in gratitude every day of the year.
We’ve all done an amount of grieving in 2020. Letting go of things like time with friends, parties, graduations, sports seasons, vacations, jobs. Many of us have lost loved ones too. My grandpa passed away in January. Maybe you’ve lost someone too.
These losses, both big and little, have really driven home for me the idea of loving deeply but holding loosely, a concept that I learned on my World Race. Our frustration and unhappiness when things don’t go our way is chiefly rooted in our expectations and sense of entitlement.
If we saw good times as blessings instead of the norm, we wouldn’t be as disappointed when things go wrong. I’m talking about humility, not pessimism. It’s a lot easier to be grateful for what you get when you don’t feel like you deserve the best of everything. And this year is a perfect example. We were forced to readjust our expectations and be grateful for even the smallest things. When we were angry at the injustice of not getting to do what we want, we needed to take a step back and remember that we are not promised an easy life.
I find it much easier to be joyful when I am practicing gratitude. I don’t spend as much time feeling angry about things that are out of my control. I look for more ways to be loving and helpful. I have perspective, and it teaches me that there is more growth to be had in challenges than in smooth sailing.
My experience on the Race prepared me so much for the difficulties of 2020. Circumstances were always out of my control and rarely what I would choose. Difficulty communicating with people while wearing masks? Try not speaking the same language. Tired of being closed up in your home? What if you didn’t have internet, books, or a tv? Kids driving you crazy while home for virtual learning? At least your kids are getting an education. Missing the holidays with your family? What if you were apart for an entire year? Don’t like wearing a mask? Good thing you don’t live where the air is so polluted that people wear masks every day. Have nowhere to drive because businesses are closed? Better than having to walk for hours every day because you don’t have a car. Missing your mom’s cooking? Try rice and beans every meal for a few months; everything else will taste like it was prepared by the angels themselves. Don’t even get me started on things like healthcare, toilets, and hot showers. Suffice to say we have it darn good compared to most of the world.
Now, I’m not saying we can never complain or that we should compare hardships. Of course there will always be someone worse off than you, and that does not mean your difficulties are invalid. By all means, grieve. God knows I’ve grieved 2020 and all of what I thought it would hold. But at some point you need to stop grieving, look for the good, and more forward. What rich lessons we’ve learned this year, things that we could never have learned if life looked the way we wanted. We’ve learned resilience, to never let go of hope, to focus on what really matters, to not take things for granted, to find ways to nurture relationships even across distance, to cling to God alone, to love our neighbor, to look like Jesus in how we treat people we may not agree with.
Now, if you need help knowing how to kickstart your gratitude journey, I suggest service. It is the quickest path to humility. On the Race, this looked like choosing the crappiest jobs, or sleeping on the floor if there weren’t enough beds for everyone, or getting up early before everyone else to wash dishes and take out the trash. It looked like deferring to someone else. Shoutout to my teammate Emilie McNatt for laughing at me when I said I was practicing the verse Romans 12:10, “Outdo one another in showing honor.” I’m not going to pretend that I served perfectly. There were times on the Race when I was physically, emotionally, and mentally drained and functioning in a state of self-preservation.
Service does not always come naturally because I have a selfish nature that likes to be comfortable and look out for its own needs. I’m an enneagram 5, which is attributed with the deadly sin of greed. If you know me, you (hopefully) might think that I’m not particularly greedy, but I can be wary of running out of resources. This means I am unwittingly greedy with my time, energy, and mental and emotional currency.
Because I know the value of service to a community, and I know the change it does to my own heart, it is something that I am always working on.
These days I serve by giving more than I think I can. Giving a little more time to something than I want to, spending a little more energy on someone than I think I have, donating a little more money than I think I can afford. Some might call it reckless. We call it Biblical. “And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.” Matthew 5:40-42
Jesus’ words paint a very different picture than the culture we live in. Turning the other cheek after you’ve been hit? Crazy. Handing the thief your coat after he stole your shirt? Stupid. Leaving 99 sheep to find the lost one? Inefficient. Throwing a feast for the son who blew his inheritance? Scandalous. Blessing your enemies? Foolish.
Yet this is the Savior we follow. He turned upside down our ideas of right living. He calls us to love and serve one another. Without expectation of an easy life. Without the condition that our good deeds will be met in kind. Without the ability to earn favor with God. Rather, to love out of an abundance of gratitude and a heart overflowing with undeserved grace. Ultimately we serve because we can’t help but serve. We love because we can’t help but love. We are grateful because we can’t help but be grateful. We take care of others because we can’t help but take care of others. We emulate Jesus because we can’t help but emulate Jesus. The spiritual fruit in our life is a direct indicator of our relationship with God. Do hardships wreck you? Are you afraid of the future? Does a lack of control frustrate you? Let it all drive you to commune with the Lord. I am confident that he will make known his heart toward you. Spoiler alert: his heart for you is not fear, frustration, and hopelessness. It is peace, joy, growth, and rest.
A year ago I celebrated Thanksgiving in Madrid, Spain, with some of my friends from the Race. This year looks different. Next year will look different. There’s good to be found in all of it. Look for the good.
