Go look in the mirror and look closely at yourself. I mean uncomfortably close.
A mirror shows us the things we consider imperfections such as wrinkles, bumps,and bad hair. It also shows our neatly done hair, clear complexions, and beautiful earrings.
The past few weeks have been as if I am constantly looking into a mirror,only community is my mirror. Living in community brings out your beautiful qualities and the not so beautiful qualities. Being in community constantly keeps you accountable for your actions.
Just like looking in the mirror, living in community will clearly show you what your imperfections are and your beautiful attributes.
When you look in the mirror and notice a new bump, you immediately want it gone. It is the same with community. Walking through certain situations and living 24/7 with 6 other people will bring out the places in your heart that aren't of Christ. When those are brought to the surface, you immediately want them gone.
Never did I imagined how difficult it would be to live in community 24/7. There is no going to my room and shutting my door for peace and quiet. It's not easy. Honestly, it sucks as times.
Why, Lord? Did I really sign up for this? Am I even suppose to be here anymore?
Lord, there's so much going on at home, and you have me here? Why?
That's when the comparing begins. If I was on that team, things would be different. I wouldn't have to deal with this and fight that every single day.
One thing I've definitely realized about myself is that I can't hide my thoughts and feelings. When I am upset or frustrated, it's going to show all over my face.
It's as if I literally have the word "frustrated" written across my forehead.
With that said, there is no hiding things from my team. They know when something is wrong without me saying a word.
During the past few weeks, I have struggled with being content in where the Lord has placed me. Why, Lord? Why? I would allow the aggitations and frustrations to weigh so much on me.
During debrief in Bangkok, our squad mom, Selina, shared something that the Lord used to speak straight to my heart. Guess what it was about.. comparing!
Where you are right now is the Lord's best for you. If you weren't on this team, you would miss out on something the Lord has in store for you. Although you aren't doing bar ministry like you had hoped, this is the Lord's best for you. Don't allow what the Lord wants to teach you in 11 months to take 40 years.
Here's where it gets tough.
Do you trust that where you are now is God's very best?
The Lord used this to allow me to check my heart. Am I really doubting that the Lord rewards those who diligently seek him? Am I doubting His sovereignty? Sadly, I was.
The Lord is teaching me to trust and see him in everything. Even when people are hard to love, love them anyway. When community gets tough, I have to trust he is teaching me more than I could ever imagine. When I long to be home, I must trust that the WR is the Lord's best for me.
I would encourage each of you, check your heart. Do you really trust your Father? Do you trust him even when things seem unfair or hopeless? Do you trust that this is God's best for you?
