Leadership. What does that look like to you? To me, I always saw leaders as people who were bold, extroverted, and who knew what they wanted and how to get it. Basically all characteristics I’ve never seen in myself. I’ve always been a follower. Too shy to make my voice heard, too introverted to want to spend all my time networking, too unsure of who I even was to know what I wanted. I can relate to Moses when, in Exodus, he said “But why me? What makes you think that I could ever go to Pharaoh and lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?” (3:11)
That’s why it was such a surprise when, at training camp, I was asked to be a Team Leader.
Well, I say surprise. God had been working on me in that area for a while already, I was just too stubborn to acknowledge it. Offhand comments from people in my life, little intrusive thoughts I’d never think on my own, stuff like that. I’ve never been a leader before so the idea made me pretty uncomfortable, and every little inkling that God wanted me to lead anybody got shoved under the rug. I didn’t want to deal with it. I had all these insecurities that because I didn’t match the stereotypical profile of a good leader, I would let people down if I ever tried to lead them. That’s one of my biggest fears in life. I don’t want to disappoint the people who depend on me. I definitely don’t want to hurt the people who depend on me. What if I say the wrong thing, what if I make the wrong decision, what if I make some sort of mistake, what if, what if, what if…
But here’s the thing. What if I didn’t? What if I didn’t step out and do what scared me. What if I didn’t start to tear down my preconceptions of what it meant to be a leader? What if I didn’t say “yes” to being a Team Leader?
If I listened to those fears, those what ifs, then I would have missed out big time. I wouldn’t have learned what it looks like to be a biblical leader. A servant leader. To follow the example of Jesus and lift others up to do the same. I wouldn’t have experienced that overwhelming, hard to describe, joyful but terrified feeling of having my team express their faith in my ability to lead them well. It would likely be many years down the road when people managed to convince me that I may actually have some natural leadership abilities.
I’m not saying I know what I’m doing now, or that I’m confident in my leadership, or that all my fears are gone. That’s not the case at all. I am saying, however, that I know I don’t need the knowledge or confidence or courage to lead. I just need to trust the one who leads me. And just like when Moses questioned his ability to lead, God always responds with “I will be with you.”
Exodus 3:9-12
“The Israelite cry for help has come to me, and I’ve seen for myself how cruelly they’re being treated by the Egyptians. It’s time for you to go back: I’m sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the People of Israel, out of Egypt.”
Moses answered God, “But why me? What makes you think that I could ever go to Pharaoh and lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?”
“I’ll be with you,” God said. “And this will be the proof that I am the one who sent you: When you have brought my people out of Egypt, you will worship God right here at this very mountain.”
