I’m tired. I’m tired of pretending, of hiding, of trying. I want to quit. This fight has left me drained before and it’s sapping me now. I can’t even tell anymore how much of this is me and how much of it is me picking up on the spiritual atmosphere around me. Is this something I’m really feeling? Or am I sensing someone else’s feelings? I can’t keep going like this. I need peace and rest.
Spiritual warfare is real folks. And it is impossible to do it alone. You will become so drained that you can no longer press on and take another step. I don’t care if you think it doesn’t affect you. It does. Some of my next few blogs will talk about how I’ve seen and felt the battle both on the race and back home.
One of the biggest ways I’ve encountered spiritual warfare is in relation to my identity and worth. You see I’ve always struggled with a performance mentality. I want to accomplish something. I feel a need to do something to prove ______. But why? What is the underlying belief that causes me to feel like I have to prove myself? I don’t feel like I’m worthy. I know the truth but recently I’ve been struggling because it doesn’t feel true.
The other night, God used a drunk man to remind me that I am worth so much.
“You’re a gem.”
I don’t know how we got there. It didn’t fit in with what we had been talking about so it caught me off guard. For whatever reason, I asked, “what makes me a gem?”
“Because you’re kind, smart, gorgeous, intelligent, wise and you have so much to offer the world. The world needs you.”
Huh. Wow! Okay, God. I see what you did there. You knew I was struggling with feeling worthy and wondering if others could really see You in me. This is a strange but rather unforgettable way of reminding me that I am worthy. Because of You, I do have something valuable to offer the world.
It was strange but somehow it seemed right. Of course, others could see Christ in me – even if they aren’t willing to admit it. You see the truth is, on my own, I’m not kind. I’m selfish and self-centered. And that wisdom and intelligence? Yeah, that’s from God too. I don’t have anything to offer the world that’s worth anything. Except Jesus. And that’s who the world needs; Jesus not me. But if I’m how the world will see Jesus…
Jesus didn’t do things to prove who He was. His actions were the outflow of His knowledge of who He was. Jesus was worthy and in Him, we are too.
The enemy loves to convince us that we’re not worthy. You wanna know why? When we believe we aren’t worthy – that we don’t deserve – what God offers us, we won’t accept it. Instead of living love, we’ll live hate and destroy not only ourselves but those around us as well. Instead of choosing joy, peace, and rest, we’ll continually strive to get to the top never caring who gets harmed along the way. When we don’t recognize our own value, we will dehumanize those around us. I visited the Killing Fields of Cambodia today and got a stark reminder of just how true that is.
So what is the message I’m sending the world? Am I showing them the peace of God and how it enables me to rest? Or are my actions showing the same chaotic striving that characterizes the systems of the world? Am I living love or sending a message of hate?
Bonus: sermon notes from River Oaks VA, 6/17/18
What does your activity say about your level of trust in God?
What do your fears and anxieties say about your faith?
Rest in God
Do I know the promises of God to me?
What does it mean to rest in God?
Make fresh (spiritual) bread a daily priority – take enough for the day
Turn notifications off – consider removing social media apps – I’m not as important as I think I am but I’m worth so much more
Stop comparing
Walk more slowly – take time to notice what’s around
End the day with prayer
Taking it home
What is keeping me up at night?
What must I do tomorrow?
Which of the 5 can I start implementing this week?
A summer of soaking and rest
