Friday, September 29, I did something I haven’t done in years – take a dance class. But this wasn’t your typical dance class. It was a creative worship class. During the class, I was given a portion of Scripture and asked to interpret it through dance. At the end of class, there was some extra time so the teacher put on worship music and I just danced. I came away from it feeling very refreshed. When I got home, I wrote the passage down and started to journal my thoughts.
“And to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God” – Ephesians 3:19
I cannot fathom how much I am loved. It doesn’t matter what I have done or how I feel – I am loved. What a marvelous promise! But more than this, I am filled – not with my sinful nature but with the fullness of God. How can I hold the image of God within myself? And fullness? Must that not mean that in being filled self dies and God reigns supreme? Through love incomprehensible, I have become a vessel bearing the image of He who loves and fills – yes, even dwells within! Those around me must see not me but He whose life is in me. In being filled, I begin to understand love. And to know Him who is love is to become one who loves as He loves. When it is easy and when it is hard, I am filled with love – to obey and glorify.
In Christ, I am loved.
Fullness of God – I need not want for anything.
In sweet fellowship with my Father, I wanted only to be closer to Him. God began to speak to me about pride, control, and surrender. My heart cry was to know God more and experience life abundant. And then the testing came…
There were a few things that I wanted to do before I left. One of them was to do one more dance at my church. As I was journaling, I found out that I would not be able to do it. Finding out that I really wouldn’t work out crushed me. I didn’t realize it meant so much to me. I can’t remember ever feeling more broken. Even though it was already almost 10pm, I went up to the mountains, pulled over at an overlook and started yelling at God.
I spent about two hours there. When I left, I didn’t feel much better nor did I want to go to church again. I also felt like there was no way I could go on the World Race as broken as I felt. I knew I needed to take a step back and gain more perspective but I couldn’t figure out how. When I got home, I talked with my mom. Saturday morning, I talked with two of my closest friends and they helped me see the situation from a different angle.
Sunday morning came and I still didn’t want to go to church. I knew I should and there were a few more people that I wanted to say goodbye to before leaving. So I went. As soon as I walked in, I was glad I did because another close friend had driven over 2 hours from college that morning to see me one more time even though she was in the middle of midterms.
During the first few songs, God used my youngest two brothers drawing pictures to minister to me. Partway through the second set of songs, God told me to dance for Him so I started dancing in the back. Yes, I was still disappointed to have not gotten to share with the entire church but I remembered that He is the best audience I could ever have the privilege to dance for.
