In my Lesotho! blog, I promised to tell the story of the healing work God did last month. This is the first part in telling that story. It happened between Friday, January 26 and Thursday, February 1. Beyond that I cannot tell you when exactly or how God healed me or even what exactly He healed in the first place but the evidence speaks for itself. It was the most life changing week of the race so far and one of the most powerful weeks of my life.
First, let me give you some background on some of the things I was doing leading up to that week that prepared the soil so to speak.
- Throughout January, my previous team and I went through a devotional that helped us practice listening prayer. Every other day we would share with each other how it was going and what we were hearing from God. This meant we were being more intentional in spending time with and hearing from God.
- While I was home, I saw the impact of some hard situations my family has been dealing with. I came back on the World Race with very conflicted feelings. Part of me wanted to be able to stay home and try to fix things for them. The other part of me was glad that I wasn’t staying because I didn’t want to be stuck in the mess and I was thankful for the chance to have more space see how God might want to move.
- Being home was also hard because it meant being away from my team. While I was in the states, we received an email informing us that there would be team changes at the end of the month. Having to process through my emotions without them there was very difficult.
- That Thursday (1/25/18), I went to Maseru with Jess L. While waiting for the taxi back to our ministry site, we ended up having a Bible study in the parking lot. Part of the discussion was on how the Word of God is a double bladed sword that is able to cut out even the most deeply rooted lies.
January 26 I woke up at 1:50am and woke Jess L. up as well so we could start our shift for the overnight prayer vigil. When the next person came, it was almost 4:30 so I decided to stay up and pray until the sunrise. During that time, I did some more listening prayer and God spoke to me about doubt and faith and how they were more powerful than I realized and affected my emotions. God also asked me to dance with Him but I didn’t feel like it so I didn’t. At the time, I didn’t want anyone else to see.
It kept building up inside me until Saturday afternoon when I finally danced for about an hour. By that time I didn’t care who saw; I needed to obey and enjoy dancing with my Heavenly Father. I stopped only when I didn’t have any more energy. One of the Africa4Jesus staff heard I was dancing and talked to me. She asked me to show her a dance. God gave me enough strength to show her the dance I have for Chris Tomlin’s Jesus Loves Me and she immediately asked me to share it with the church in the morning. I didn’t agree right away and when I walked into the kitchen a little bit later, all the staff were there and asked me again. I told them that as long as they told me when to come up, I would do it. Sunday morning I felt every emotion intensely and God spoke to me again about emotions.
“You things deeply but you have spent so many years trying not to feel and stuffing it all down that you don’t realize how much you do feel. Emotions are not evil. I gave them for a purpose. It is part of my image that I have placed in you. Look through the Bible and see. Start making a list of the emotions I am credited with. Open up your heart to feel again. It will be scary but I am holding you in the palm of My hand….trust me with your emotions…to bring healing to the deepest places of wounding. Accept My love….My glory is displayed through you when you walk in a way and with a power that the world does not know.
I didn’t really understand what that meant at the time but I was about to find out.
When it was time to share the dance with the church, I poured every bit of energy and emotion into it that I could. That dance has always been one of my favorites and now I can add another powerful experience to its significance for me.
That evening for worship, MaryBeth led both teams and some of the A4J staff in a time of soaking. There was a prayer chair for people to sit in if they wanted others to pray for them. Ashley sat in it and after sharing a vision and word with her, I went back to where I had been sitting and just started weeping. I wasn’t even sure why I was weeping. Part of it had to do with my family but I also knew that it was more than that; I just didn’t know what and honestly, I’m still not entirely sure. After a while, Ashley came over and sat with me, letting me cry on her shoulder. I remember her saying something but I don’t remember what. It didn’t matter so much as the fact that she was there with me in my pain. Eventually we all went to bed. I didn’t give any explanation for why I had been crying – partly because I didn’t know the reason myself.
