A word I use to describe myself often is “procrastinator”. Nahh it’s not something I would say I’m proud of but it’s also something about myself that I don’t really have a serious problem with. Putting stuff off is just something I do, whatever it is I know I’ll eventually get it done… and I’ll probably put strong effort into it and it’ll most likely all work out just fine in the end, so what’s the big deal?
But then, procrastination is just one example of these small cluster of things I like to call “the excusables” those little things I know I struggle with but they’re not really bad. In fact, if you tilt your head sideways and squint at them just right you’ll see, they’re just part of my personality! I mean come on, would I really be Elyse if I always did things on time, or held my tongue when I thought of a really halarious sarcastic comment, or resisted the urge to snatch a bite of food off of someone’s plate when they’re not paying attention? I think not!!
Well, not until I became good friends with a little guy called feedback. Allow me to introduce you…. hey Feedback, these are my Blog Readers. Blog Readers, meet Feedback. Feedback comes around every Thursday and shows me the best parts of myself through the viewpoint of my teammates. Never do I feel more encouraged than when these people speak this reviving life into me, tell me all the incredible things they see in me that I don’t even see in myself, show me where I’m growing, and the parts of my Father they notice in me.
Along with that, feedback brings me to the parts of myself that need pruning. Those little excuseable “personality traits” that I think are so fun and adorable, are actually hurting people. People I love. I’m shown that there’s this thing called a false self that’s bad news and specializes in a “fake it till ya make it” lifestyle. It turns out, Elyse is a really cool gal. My team loves her and Christ is totally crazy about her. No one is out to get her, waiting with javelins and nunchucks to take her down at the first opportunity. In fact they love me enough to risk my opinion of them in order to help me grow as a person.
I have absolutely fallen in love with {constructive} feedback. I’ve learned that there are always characteristics of Christ to be seeking after, and parts of my own flesh that need to be corrected and rebuked in order for me to live an impactful life of advancing the kingdom of heaven here on earth.
However, feedback is not comfortable… it wasn’t meant to be comfortable because, as humans living in a fallen world, often we’re comfortable when we’re fulfilling the desires of the flesh. I believe, this is why so many of my past relationships have failed and also the reason that the relationship between me and my teammates is so strong. We show each other love by calling each other higher and pointing one another back to the Father. Real relationship requires caring enough to put time and prayer into speaking words of life into each other, and reinforcing a kingdom mindset.
That’s the beauty of feedback. I can’t see myself through an outward perspective, and I definitely can’t use my own self-condemnation as a cheep imitation of a tool used for growth and pruning of the flesh. In any relationship it’s so important that we learn to distinguish a spirit of judgment from that of instruction.
Judgement, (either self-inflicted or directed from your interpretation of the words and actions of others) is so commonly used by the flesh, for the flesh, in order to make others more like ourselves; or to make ourselves more like some glorified version of those around us that we are constantly bringing ourselves into comparison with. It’s only surface level, and it brings nothing better than strife and self hatred.
On the other hand there’s instruction, or maybe a better word is correction. Correction is a product of love. It’s actually loving someone so deeply that you don’t want to see them stay where they are, you long and ache for them to grow. It’s the willingness to risk certain levels of comfort to talk about those things that often get swept under the rug, bringing out the opener for that can of worms that’s starting to smell. But not just chucking it at them and running… it’s about being there through the whole process with support and encouragement. Correction isn’t for making people more like ourselves, it’s about giving people the understanding to show them the areas where they could look more like Christ.
I’m so thankful for those things that my teammates and leaders are showing me and helping me through in this journey. I’ll never be perfect and I have absolutely no desire to strive for perfection, but as one of my teammates often says, when people look at me I want them to see more of Jesus in me than Elyse. That’s a lifelong journey that I’m just now learning to embark on, but one I am so excited to pursue!!
As always, thank you so much for stepping alongside me through it all and being so supportive!! Please continue to be in prayer for me especially this season, as my fundraising deadline is quickly approaching and Im still about $2000 short. If you or anyone you know would be so kind as to support me financially, I would appreciate that more than you could ever know!!! God is doing crazy things here in Africa, and I can’t wait to see what else He has in store!! I love you all so dearly!! YOU’RE THE BEST!!
