There are things that I thought I would be feeling once I signed up for the World Race.
On some level I thought my anxiety about the World Race would go away. I thought that at six months out I would be full of joy and excitement. I knew that fundraising would be hard but I thought that it would just magically happen.
I kind of had this rainbow and sunshine vision.
But in reality that is not the case.
My anxiety is worse.
I am sad I have to leave my family and friends for nine months.
I am overwhelmed at the enormity of what I’m doing.
I thought that the time leading to my trip would bring me closer to God but it is the hardest I have ever had to fight to even spend time with Him—when I am in presence I am whole, peaceful, excited for what’s to come. But as soon as I leave his presence and end my devotion time, immense fear, dread, and anxiety tend to overwhelm me.
Unrealistically I believed that signing up for this would be my cure all; I didn’t even know I believed that until I read a passage in The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson.
“We want one-week or one-month or one-year supply for God’s provision but God wants us to drop to our knees every day in raw dependence on him.”
I thought, without realizing it, that because I took a huge step of faith that I bought a “supply of God’s provision.” I thought that everything would go smooth and get easier but that’s not the case.
everyday i am learning what it means to live by faith, to live in raw dependence. It’s hard, very hard, but I am learning so much about myself and about God and how he keeps his promises. Each Day I am choosing to live in raw dependence because it is the only way I can make it through the day, the week, and coming months.
Choosing to believe that as hard as it is, I am being prepared for what is to come.
-Elli Gerber
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4
