At 8:15 this morning our squad leader woke us all up for an ‘emergency squad meeting.’ Immediately my heart dropped knowing that other squads had begun to be sent home due to risks related to COVID-19. However, I thought “surely not us,” we are in a safe location and have good access to medical care, maybe it’s simply a route change or other circumstances.
Surely enough, we all walked into the meeting room with groggy faces and were told that “the reality of this quickly moving virus is that many governments and health agencies are not able to effectively assess conditions on the ground, particularly in the developing world. It is this constraint that has caused us to make the decision to begin the process of bringing all participants with the World Race back to the states.”
Whoah
With a single sentence my plans for the next 2 ½ months became a big question mark. Surely we would have a few days to process this right?
“Our flight leaves tomorrow morning, you are going home.”
What a strange word. Where was home anymore? If anyone asked where I was from, Texas was surely my answer. But was it my home? Home had become Parramos, Guatemala it was Harbor Chulule, Ethiopia and, for a short time, Chiang Mai, Thailand.
Re-entry is one of the hardest parts about living overseas. What was once familiar, now seems strange and overwhelming. Most racers get months to prepare themselves physically and mentally for going back to the states. We get 24 hours.
Jesus how do I do that? Father why would you ask me to leave a country that desperately needs to hear your voice for a country I have the rest of my life to dwell in??
“I need you there,” he spoke to my soul.
The states are in need of hope and light, fear has overwhelmed many people, state officials, families etc. Here in Thailand there is no hysteria – I get to come from this place of peace into a setting where chaos abounds but the father has called us as vessels of peace. Whether I understand or not, all World Race teams will be returning to the states in the next week. That is over 400 people who are living missionally and who know that Jesus isn’t finished with them yet, being funneled all over the country.
Imagine the revival that is going to happen!!! Thank you father that you are not finished with me yet.
I am not done with my race I have merely been rerouted. I will continue to fight to feed the hungry, heal the sick, and clothe the naked. Both these next 2 ½ months and forever after.
There is a reality though that the amount of days left with my squad are numbered. That truth brings more heartache than leaving a country ever could. To answer the question from the beginning; my home is with Gap W. They have been there to dance in the rain, for the many doctors visits and new tattoos. They pushed me towards the father when all I wanted to do was run. They asked the hard questions and didn’t shy away from the answers. They allowed me to be my most authentic self and loved me more for it. They were there on the hard days and when they weren’t physically there I knew they were fighting for me on the front lines through prayer. W squad responds with worship. We go hard in the throne room for the promises we know the father has declared. I have never had people fight for me the way W squad does. They are women and men of honor and dignity, of trust and vulnerability. They are home.
Doing life without them seems like too hard a task to take on. We should have had months to grieve, now we have days. When I asked the father why he would take me away from my home so suddenly he reminded me of a song that reads, “I am not alone, your heart is my home.” It repeats this over and over. My immediate fear with going back to the states was, “Not only am I losing my best friends and family, but I won’t have any community to turn to because everything is closing and everyone is staying home.” I feared lonliness and the heaviness it would bring and how I am so unprepared for everything I am about to face. In that moment the Lord reminded me that W squad isn’t home because of the incredible people I live with, but it is home because of the Incredible God that flows through each of us and allows us to live differently, see differently, and love differently. Whatever situation I am going back to tomorrow, I know that I am not alone because the fathers heart is my home and I can find comfort in him whether I am in Guatemala, Ethiopia, Thailand or even the states. I can find comfort in him even though I am surrounded my uncertainty. I know my God will not delay.
Tomorrow I am going back to the States, but not back home, I’ve been home this whole time.
How you can pray for us!!
Please be praying for me and my squad for safe travels tomorrow as we leave chiang mai and head back to the states.
Pray for the lord to prepare us emotionally, spiritually, and physically to return to a place that might seem so unfamiliar now.
If you know a racer returning, give them time to grieve and have grace on them and how long it takes them to process.
Be praying for all the other squads who are having to deal with the reality of what it looks like to return home – pray for steadfast character and that there would be REVIVAL brought through all the missionaries coming home.
Pray for what this next season looks like for everyone returning home and that the Lord would give us heavenly PEACE.
If you have any questions about how you can support me during this transition, feel free to reach out! I am still processing all of this and allowing myself to grieve the race and my squad.
With-a-heavy-heart,
El
