The most often question I got before going on the race wasn’t, “How in the world are you going to raise 16,600$?!” or “They expect you to pack for 9 months in THAT??” (in reference to my big pack). No, not even “So you won’t be home for Christmas??”
In fact the most popular question was a snide comment with intentions of procuring a laugh.
The most unoriginal joke of the century, “are you pregnant?”
After hearing the joke for the third time that day I choked out a convincing laugh and prayed to God that people would come up with more creative humor.
The unfortunate truth was, that the World Race Gap year is coincidentally the same length as pregnancy, thus leading many to joke about the timely manner of my ‘disappearance’ from civilization.
And as many times as I assured my peers that I was in fact NOT pregnant, the question still penetrated my thoughts.
Then, the day for launch finally arrived. The day I turned eighteen, the day I became an adult, I left everything I knew as familiar in pursuit of an adventure that the father had so evidently placed on my heart. Also, on that fateful day I realized the truth of my predicament. I was in fact
Pregnant.
Now before you go calling AIM in panic that they let a pregnant teenager run loose across the world, I want to assure you that my pregnancy wasn’t a result of peeing on a stick to reveal 2 blue lines. Instead it was a result of the growing life within my soul.
As a woman I am physically able to bring life into the world, how cool (!!). But I am also able to spiritually bring life into the world. Through the words I speak and the actions I choose to live out. The moment I left for the race I began growing within myself a spirit of discipline, a spirit of ownership, a spirit of purity and so much more that has encompassed these past 5 months and those to come.
At the end of these 9 months I will give birth, not to a baby, but to the growth that these 9 months have brought. I will be able to go back home and live out the disciplines I have curated within me. I will bring to life the long process of sanctification that the father has spoken over me. I will not be coming home with a cute little baby swaddled in cloth, but instead I will be coming home as a new version of myself, as a changed woman and thus entering the next season with freshness and a new beginning. Leaving behind what was dead and instead opting for consistant character and an obedience to my father, allowing him to hold me in his arms and redefine my life. I am bearing a better version of myself that will spring forth at the conclusion of this race.
Now that we have gotten past the idea of me being metaphorically pregnant we can discuss logistics.
There are many things pregnant women are advised against: eating chocolate, drinking excessive amounts of coffee, rollercoasters, drinking alcohol.
Then there are also things that women are advised to do: exercise, sing to your baby, take prenatal vitamins, eat healthily.
In the same way, I must also be wary of ways that I nurture the growth inside of me. Do I allow it to watch movies that conjure up lustful thoughts? Do I speak life to it or death?
If I was actually having a child, I would do everything in my power to ensure it is as healthy as possible, it is so strange how we would not do the same for our spiritual health. As much as drinking alcohol can effect the health of a growing baby, so can the compromises you make on what you allow into your life. I always say ‘you can’t close your ears’ this means that what you surround yourself becomes what you hear, and what you hear becomes what you think about, and what you think about becomes who you are.
Often around children, parents refrain from cussing because ‘children are impressionable,’ however the mistake comes in believing that you become unimpressionable the moment you become an adult, when in fact your environment (what you surround yourself with) constantly effects you every day. It then effects what you will bring into the world.
As for my ‘9 month pregnancy’ I want it to be the healthiest it can be and I want it to produce good fruit, thus I will work tirelessly to fill myself with truth and refuse to be a compromisable woman.
We are constantly in seasons of growing and bringing things into the world, what we feed our brains becomes what we produce. How are you compromising in the small things that will end up being the big things. One glass of wine seems harmless, but can actually have tantalizing effects on a fetus. Don’t justify this season of your life and then complain when the next season is less than great. Instead put in the discipline now to bring fruit and life to the world in the next season.
In Mathew 13 there is a parable of a sower, many interpret it to be talking about processing the things God has done in your heart and not letting it fall on cracked soil. However, what is interesting is in verse 8 it says, “other seeds fell on good soil and produces grain, some a hundred-fold, some sixty, some thirty.”
Jesus is making a point that ‘good fruit’ is ‘good fruit’ it does not matter the quantity of your harvest, but the quality. Therefore, when evaluating your life do not get caught up in the quantity of your fruit for the Father sees it all as good, but see for yourself if the fruit is good. If not there may be a problem in the planting of the harvest, are you laying down good soil are you doing everything you can to attend to your spiritual harvest, if so you will see fruit, if not, the seeds will fall on cracked ground.
Similarly, when women give birth if they do so to a single healthy child or to healthy twins matters not, what matters is the health of the children. We should be treating our spiritual health the same way.
At the end of these 9 months I declare that I will have done everything in my power to assure that what I birth is love and light.
choosing-to-be-an-uncompromisable-woman,
El
