Many have asked what it’s been like to transition home from the Race. I think I’ve mostly answered, “It’s been really hard.” But I haven’t quite had the words or the courage to share much more than that. This blog is an attempt to explain why, and share one thing that has been weighing on my heart in this transition back to the States.
___
People say the hardest part about the Race is coming home from it. Before I got home, I thought that was due to the intense reverse culture shock, having left your heart in so many other places, friends and family having moved on in their lives and you having missed it all, frustrations with the American church and materialism, and no one at home being able to relate to or understand the biggest, most impactful and incredible year of your life. Now I know why coming home is so dang hard. Sure, what I just listed contributes to the difficulty of this transition, but the most pain and difficulty in coming home that I have experienced has come from seeing the greatest depth of poverty I have seen in all the world right here in my home and in my people.
With every mission trip I have been on, someone points out how shocking and incredible it is to see people with so little and living in such lack (externally) experiencing and exuding so much joy and contentment. THAT IS BECAUSE MORE STUFF AND BETTER THINGS DON’T EQUAL MORE JOY OR A BETTER LIFE. I think we would all agree with that statement, would we not? So then why do we operate as if the opposite is true? We were made for love, relationship, and belonging. The highest quality of life is one genuinely and deeply abounding in all these aspects.
When did we start buying into the lie that quality of life is determined by how many cute outfits are in our closets, how few wrinkles we can grow, how pretty our houses look, how thin we can get, how quickly we can get a job, how comfortable we can make retirement or how many people “like” our photo on instagram? We might be telling ourselves that these things don’t really matter and think we really believe that, but when we live as if those things do matter and as if they matter a ton – enough to pursue them, talk about them, think about them often and have such great concern for them – that’s a clue that we need to quit lying to ourselves. WE ARE DECEIVING OURSELVES.
Jesus begs this question in the famous Sermon on the Mount: “Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothes?” or in a more literal translation, “Is life not of greater value than the sum of what you eat, and your body of greater value than the sum of what you wear?” Today, Jesus might be saying, “Is your life not more than the sum of your Snapchat streaks or how impressive your resume appears? And is your body not more than the tempurpedic bed you sleep in or the new shoes you just bought?” THESE THINGS ARE NOT WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT. They do not give abundant life or life at all. They are counterfeits of the real deal. They give fleeting and shallow significance, comfort, joy, worth, and relationship.
If you don’t believe Jesus, take Solomon’s word for it and read Ecclesiastes. He indulged in every earthly pleasure, gained everything you could ask for, and said it was all meaningless, “a chasing after the wind.” If you don’t believe the Bible, look up any of the numerous research studies about how our poor consumption and use of wealth, social media, material goods, connectivity, and freedom are stealing and destroying our quality of life rather than improving it like we think they do.
A few people have mentioned to me that they can’t imagine what it would be like to witness and live in the horrible poverty that is around the world and in many of the places I got the privilege of living in. Let me tell you, such sights and experiences are tragic, horrific, and heart-wrenching; they’ll make you sick. But please let me also tell you this: The poverty I have seen here in the great state of Texas, in the most desirable-to-live-in country on the planet, is far more disturbing, heart breaking, and sickening than anywhere else I have been. SO MANY OF US OFFER GOOD-INTENTIONED PITY FOR THIRD WORLD, UNDERDEVELOPED COUNTRIES, BUT I THINK THEY SHOULD BE THE ONES OFFERING US PITY.
I now know what gives life, and y’all, we. are. missing. it. Poverty isn’t just a lack of food, clothing, and resources – we all agree that we know that. That’s the way it is in many countries, but here I see poverty in the intense lack of genuine relationship, genuine community, genuine contentment, genuine joy, and genuine peace. Physically, we are well off, but mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, spiritually, we are living in incredible deficiency. From my perspective, I see that we are falling for the fake stuff while pretending like we aren’t. We as a nation are not doing well. We are diseased by sin and are deceived into thinking that the way we are living is it, is the best, is significant, is full and abundant life.
You just have to look to your neighbor or parent or friend or even yourself: Depression (in the most “connected” of times, why are we so lonely?), obesity, divorce (now over half of all marriages end in divorce), bullying, anxiety (I know more people who struggle with anxiety daily than those who don’t), addiction [to Netflix, social media scrolling, compliments, “likes”, being fit, video games, good grades – it doesn’t have to be bad things], rampant pornography use (today 43% of our internet usage is for pornography), alcohol abuse, drug misuse, self-harming – it all screams that we are longing for something we don’t have. WE ARE IN NEED – GRAVE NEED. Whether it’s love, attention, significance, belonging, joy, peace or hope, this great nation is in need. Yes, these issues are universal, but in this entire year I’ve never ached so unbearably for the poverty I have seen as I have for the poverty I see right here at home.
Maybe that’s why it’s so obvious and ugly to me: this is my place with my people. This was me, and in some ways still is. But praise the Lord! Gloria a Dios! I was blind, but now I see. Some of you see glimpses of it too. It’s far greater and deeper than any of us can see. Seeing this depravity is a blessing. I am grateful beyond words! But it sure feels like a curse. It hurts, and it’s heavy. Maybe that’s why communicating this has been so difficult. The pain invites me back into ignorance, into excuses, into deception, into numbing and poor coping. The Spirit in me feels deadened, silenced and thirsty in this poor and dry land. But at the same time, the Spirit in me, whose heartbeat is redemption and resurrection, longs to invade every broken, dark, empty, diseased, lifeless and hopeless place here as it does everywhere, and it’s just waiting to be welcomed in.
I don’t know the answer or solution to any of this pain, poverty, and brokenness here in the States or abroad, but I do know that it starts and ends with Jesus. JESUS. JESUS. JESUS. So to him I cry out, to him I weep, and to him I look to and rely on for deliverance and redemption of all of this, and I encourage you to do the same.
___
While this blog is primarily a much needed exhaling of the gunk I’ve been witnessing and letting swirl around my brain, and not a perfectly accurate or level-headed articulation of reality here in the States, there’s some somber truth in my words and convictions. And I believe that that truth is worth weighing, worth doing something about, and worth risking everything for.
“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” John 10:10
