Lesson 2: God is immutable, but our ideas of Him should not be.
After wrestling for a few years with the faith and lifestyle I grew up in, I had this thought: “The God I know may not actually be God at all.” How could I, a finite-minded speck on a blue floating ball in a massive universe, possibly know the Creator of all? My beliefs of God were solely based on what my parents believed, what I studied in school, what I learned on my own, and what I thought made the most sense based on my judgements and perspective. My lifestyle, circumstances, family, culture, and economic status formed the God I talked to and worshipped. I didn’t know Him or experience Him outside of those contexts and boxes.
I became very troubled by the notion that numerous far more brilliant people whole-heartedly believe completely opposite things about God and are dying for them and making crazy life decisions for them (I don’t just mean radicals in major religions), yet they can’t all be right. How could I ever know the truth about an infinite, incomprehensible God? If someone was going to figure out what was actually true about God and the world, it probably wasn’t going to be me. I felt naïve and prideful ever having believed that I was right and others were wrong.
The reality is, in some sense, we all worship a different God. We all place upon God different projections of our experiences and understandings and worship that, read about that, talk to that, and talk about that. I couldn’t keep living with that haunting notion. So I quit school and signed up for the World Race with this sole hope and purpose: to know the God of all people, of all times, in all places, not the God of middle class, churched Americans and a reflection of the mere 20 years of my life.
I felt like I couldn’t move on until I knew God as fully as it was possible for me to. It sounds crazy to me now, but I ultimately believed that knowing God as much as one could was some checkbox it would take a few, maybe several years full of experiences, studying, and seeking to check off. Then, I thought, I could continue on with my life with true security, peace, and understanding in who God is and therefore who I am, what the world is all about, and what my place and purpose in all that is. I didn’t think I could know Him entirely or void of any errors, but I believed I could come to form a drastically more accurate view of Him through experiencing Him outside of the only contexts and lenses I had first perceived Him in and through.
As I have sought the Lord (both before, on, and after the Race), He has done just that. He has exploded the boxes American culture and I have put Him in, and He has revealed His true character to me in both enormous and minute ways. For that, I am so incredibly grateful. But, God didn’t do only that. He taught me something else absolutely crucial in my pursuit of knowing Him.
He taught me that knowing the Creator of this Universe is meant to be a journey, a process, a “divine unfolding.” I first heard the term “divine unfolding” while in Swaziland thanks to my super sweet and super wise teammate, Clari. She referred me to a teaching on Exodus 3 where God tells Moses His name when Moses asks. God says His name is YHWH, in Hebrew, and in English that translates to “I Am.” It also translates to “I Am Who I Am,” “I Am What I Am,” “I Will Be Who I Will Be,” and “I Will Be What I Will Be.” In this teaching, Pastor Brian Zahnd states that we want to take God, pin Him down, and get Him all figured out, but that we can’t because He is shrouded in mystery just as His name reveals. That is exactly what I wanted to do and exactly the trouble I ran into while trying. The first name God revealed to His people in the Bible tells us that He is a God who is infinite and unfathomable. Zahnd explains this saying that how we first know God is not how we continue to know Him as we are on the journey deeper into His heart. As we journey nearer, we experience and relate to Him differently and more fully than we first did. God is unchanging and immutable, but our ideas of Him should not be. He gave this example: “I used to view God as angry and violent, now I view God as Love.” The former isn’t wrong (look almost anywhere in the Old Testament), just incomplete (look almost anywhere in the New Testament).The Bible itself divinely unfolds as it reveals more and more of the true character of God.
This concept gave me more and more peace about what I knew of the Lord, how I knew Him, and how much more of Him there is still for me to know. Yes, while I did have a very skewed and biased understanding of God in my youth, that wasn’t entirely wrong; that was just the beginning. I think it becomes wrong when the beginning becomes the middle and the end also, but I believe God wants us to know Him deeply, accurately, and intimately, but that He doesn’t expect it, and dare I say, or even want it to happen overnight, over a year, but over our lifetime and even then there will be still more to know. God designed our lives to be a beautiful, unfolding journey both with Him and to Him.
I wish I could just end there on that delightful note, but I feel the nudge to clarify that I don’t believe that all of our beliefs are simply incomplete, just needing more revelation to round them out or whatever. I think a lot of what we believe about God, ourselves, others, and the world are wrong and are lies entirely. But, I do believe that there is opportunity for all to know what is true when we seek Him and as we seek Him. God says to Jeremiah, “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.” The author of Hebrews writes, “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.” I think both of those messages are for us too. We have to be willing to drop what we know and open our minds and our hearts to truth from God, pure and untainted by the world, as we seek Him with our whole heart and with faith and expectancy that He will reward us by revealing Himself to us.
Feel free to reach out to me if you believe that and desire that, but don’t know what that might look like practically for you.
Father God, would you bring peace to any restless, eager, and anxious minds that desperately desire to know you and Jesus and the Holy Spirit as you are. Show us where we are being deceived into knowing You as anything You aren’t, and shine light on what is true. Teach us to rest in you along the way. Thank you that we don’t have to figure it all out. Thank you that you delight in our seeking, and that you promise to reveal yourself. Thank you that it’s not about striving or mastering a puzzle, but having a relationship with you – and that’s the real prize, learning with you, not learning the “right answers”. Teach us to enjoy this beautiful journey with and to your heart. Thanks that you are our Creator, Lover, and Savior. You rock, Great I Am!!! In Jesus’ name, Amen.
