Hello my people-
Welcome to the reality of my life.
Reality #1: After a week in Africa I hit a wall.
I feel tired. I feel exhausted. It's month 9 therefore I have a right to these feelings. One thought leads to the next until I find myself in a state of "funk" (aka debbie downer). Truth: Feelings are legit but they do not reflect your faith. I've learned it is extremely important to express how you feel but to always identify the TRUTH. Though I am tired, The Lord is what carries me through this time. Though I miss home, he has me in the PERFECT PLACE. Though I feel exhausted I have faith that God will give me the energy and joy I need for each situation that arises. Furthermore my Lord will tell me when I need to rest or simply take a break from ministry.
Sometimes it's easy to forget my heavenly daddy is not one to be a slave driver but values my health spiritually, emotionally and physically.
Reality #2: I am in the war torn area of Uganda.
Our team is currently living in Northern Uganda where thousands of people found refuge who were fleeing the rebels (Crazy fact: Kony lived 8 miles from this area). It was once a camp. A camp filled with people whose families had been slaughtered, abused by the army or whose life had been claimed by disease. They lived off of welfare since they were unable to leave the camps. It was not a place of joy. Silence and darkness was required by 6 pm in case of an attack from the rebels. Safety was not guaranteed.
Today many have returned to their villages but many still occupy the camp. Most of the families are not related by blood since their family members have been claimed by the war or disease. Since the status of the people was in the number of children and livestock they possessed, which was stripped of them from the war, they find themselves in a state of identity crisis. Most of the men have many wives with multiple children who run around with no parental control, very little food and one pair of clothing that is falling of their bodies due to tatter and wear. The sight is heartbreaking, especially for a white middle class girl coming from America.
Reality #3: I don't fit in and I "reek" of American wealth.
It didn't take long for me to realize I couldn't relate with what these people were going through. My initial feeling was guilt but that is not from The Lord. I realized my background is not a reason to feel guilty but to praise God for the gift of growing up in that environment. It is because of that background I can even be here to witness this, educate others and love on the people.
Reality #4: What I see is not my reality.
I see pain, suffering, brokenness, isolation, disease and confusion. This is not from my God. Praise God I no longer live in the reality of this world, otherwise I would go mentally insane being in this place.
I now have a new reality, hope. I see love, joy, peace, thriving community and healthy bodies when I look around. I'm not shaken by what I see because I live by a heavenly perspective not an earthly one. I've realized this is how life was always meant to be lived, rooted in Christ. I now understand this term because understanding God's love for me has allowed me to see that he is a good God and the infliction around me was not done by my God but by this world. Yes, he allowed it to happen, for what purpose only he knows, but it is not his desire for these people. Praise God for I finally believe that heaven can reign on this earth and this community will be changed. Amen!
Reality #5: These conditions are temporary for me but for them it is their life.
God called me out the other day when I was feeling rather down about the conditions we are currently living in. I was consumed by my desire for American things when God reminded me that I was eventually returning to that world, where as these people were PERMANENTLY living here. Who am I to be so quick to want to escape into "paradise?" He reminded me that paradise is here and had NOTHING to do with stuff or nice things. Praise God because he always brings me back to the truth of things when my mind begins to wander elsewhere.
Reality #6: Another way my mind wanders recently is thinking about the short (yet long) time remaining on the race.
Truth: Its easy to be caught up in a countdown but to do so is to miss what God has for me TODAY. We can be so caught up in the next thing we are blinded to a miracle happening right before our very eyes.
This is my life. A battle between the spirit and mind. A fight to stay present and keep my thoughts on heavenly things. Having many breakdowns but having them always leading to a breakthrough. Being heartbroken for the things around me but being consumed by his love. Missing home but knowing I am in the perfect place. Overall, my life is blessed.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers. Keep it coming because God still has many miracles to come and much more to teach this gal.
Love. Ellie
