Hello my people-
Update: this past week was the first week back at school and man, it is ROUGH. You have finally gained good rapport with your last group. You earned their respect and trust but life moves on, and a new quarter has arrived. New faces fill my room. Faces that look upon me as an authority figure, a person whose purpose is only to control them.
The hardest part about being a teacher and working with adolescents is knowing the pain they face on a daily basis. Knowing they are unaware that they are loved by a heavenly father who has a better life to offer them.
My kids look at me and I see it in their eyes, distrust. They have already faced pain that has left them broken and hurt inside. They see my desire to help them but past experiences has taught them to keep your guard up. People are not good. People deserted you. People are the ones who got you into this helpless state you're in. You are the only one you can trust.
I see it in the faces…..
- Where was I when their dad left them for another family?
- Where was I when their parents drug addiction forced them to be the parent?
- Where was I when they were forced into having sex?
- Where was I when their family member committed suicide?
- Where was I when they were physically beaten by someone who claimed to love them?
It doesn't matter that I wasn't able to help them because I was unaware of the situation, the fact is they were left unprotected. I demand their trust and respect yet I understand why they hesitate, I'm one more person who has left them to face this corrupt world ALONE.
I can relate with my kids and strongly believe their feelings towards me are justified. Truth is, I do this with my Lord Jesus. Every day I wake up having to battle the doubt that creeps into my being about whether he truly knows what's best for me. Whether this Jesus thing actually does any good.
- I wasn't loved like I needed.
- You weren't there for me.
- You didn't answer my prayers.
- People denied me.
- I'm not strong enough.
- I don't have anything to offer.
- There's no way my sins can be washed clean, not after what I did.
- I'm scared to look like a Jesus freak.
- Too many people need help.
- The corrupt always win.
- You already abandoned them.
- I don't have time.
- I don't have money.
- Someone else will do it.
We deny the life Christ wants to give us.
Sometimes I am so similar to my kids……
They become upset when they receive consequences for misbehaving, not understanding it is out of love that I must punish them.
They are embarrassed and ignore me when they know they have done me wrong, if only they understood I don't hold it against them.
If their grade begins to go downhill they give up on themselves and skip class, not giving me a chance to help them get back up on their feet.
They come into my classroom and I can tell they are insecure. Feeling inadequate about their appearance. Viewing themselves as ugly or fat. If only they could see themselves through my eyes, as precious and beautiful.
Teaching has shown me how often I have a misconception about my Jesus and his love. I am not perfect but why do I think that is what he expects of me? Why do I hide when I screw up? Why do I pass by his people when I know I am called to love?
I'm a Christian admitting I have left my people to fend for themselves. I fail to follow his word. I struggle to do what he wants me too. I ignore those he calls me to help.
Reality check: I deny him on a daily basis. You deny him on a daily basis. We can choose to focus on the moments we chose not to love or look ahead and ask God to give us the strength to do what he asks.
"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?'
The king will reply, ' I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Mathew 25
This is what I've decided: Regardless of what this world has taught me. Regardless of what my kids go through and the horrendous stories I hear on a daily basis. Regardless of the hurt and anger I see in the world around me. Regardless of the mistrust and doubt I see in the eyes of those I attempt to love. I will choose to believe that my same heavenly father is also a father to every face I see.
A father to my homeless friends on the street.
A father to the corrupt and evil.
I will choose to trust that my father loves my kids more than I ever can.
That my father has the ability to take care of every child whose parents have abandoned them.
That my father will use the bad in this world to glorify him.
That my father will never forget even one of his children.
The greatest commandment is to love. The opposite is denial. You have a choice. You make a choice everyday. I pray one day, if not now, we will realize God knows what is best for us. The man we often deny, is the only one who can truly take care of us. The only one who never abandoned us.
"Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you!" -Isaiah 49:15
In every circumstance, may we not forget, there is a father out there who has mad love for you and for me.
Your doubting sister,
Ellie
*A huge inspiration for this blog is an amazing book given to me by my friend Marilyn called "Kisses from Katie." If you are looking for a good read and have a passion for missions, I highly recommend this one 🙂
