Dearest friends-
A typical question often asked in a Christian setting (bible study) is "What is your favorite bible verse? or Life verse?" Initially when asked this, I doubted my faith and felt I wasn't a strong enough Christian because I didn't have one and then became annoyed wondering if they were trying to prove the legitimacy of their Christianity by having a verse when I didn't (clearly I overreacted and I now realize they were just attempting to get to know me).
It wasn't until a week ago I was struck with a verse that holds an extreme amount of significance in my life (guess I found my verse). Side note: there are no "levels" in a true Christian community and memorizing verses has no basis on how weak/strong your faith is.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to their purpose." -Romans 8:28
This verse always frustrated me because I used to think it meant everything we go through in life is good and to think otherwise is to doubt God. In my personal life this is how I translated this verse..
Divorce is good. Pain is good. Isolation is good. Abuse is good. Numbness is good.
As I'm dealing with past issues (we all have them, but facing them is HARD) I have come to see this verse for what it really is.
I believe God is saying that He can USE all things for good NOT that everything we go through is good. Meaning he hurt with me and physically felt my pain, in no way did he DESIRE for me to experience what I did. Shout out: Praise Jesus he has shown me this through using my bad to comfort and encourage others going through the same experience.
Another key part is that we must first trust that he truly & deeply LOVES us in order to view these things as capable of being used for good. Until we let him take over our hearts and admit our junk, he can't transform us (just like a person can't get into your car unless you unlock the door, basic but a key step). Our initial instinct is to become bitter, angry, or numb, blaming God and others. It's easy to hold a grudge, it's harder to let it go. Forgiving others or accepting what happened is not giving them the "upper hand" or saying "its ok" but a statement that your worth, value and life can no longer be affected negatively by what took place.
Lastly, He has a purpose for each of us, there is no scar deep enough, no memory horrific enough, and no act shameful enough to keep God from using you to do good. Not now, not ever.
Do you believe this about what you went through? That he can use you? That he loves you?
We are slaves to our past. We adjust and adapt to the experiences we go through. Certain things harden our heart or keep us from taking risks. I thought I was protecting myself but instead I unconsciously accepted what my past told me instead of believing I deserved more and most importantly that He wants to give that to me.
Friends, I hope you can learn from what God has taught me. Never forget He loves to break cycles (beautiful isn't it?).
Your beautifuly scarred sister,
Ellie
*Pray that I will continue to believe this in the deepest parts of my heart throughout my journey on the WR as I encounter suffering, poverty and pain on a daily basis in the lives of those around me.
