Hello my people-
My mind is being blown! My whole life I have placed God Ina box. There is a certain way to worship, to do quiet time and do church.
At first on the race I would get upset because I never felt like I could have quiet time, people were constantly around and quiet was a concept that didn't exist. I thought, "I can't hear my God because you keep interrupting."
The church services were in a different language and I would become frustrated thinking "how am I supposed to learn from this?"
Dang, who did I think I was? Like God would only talk to me and not speak through others. Like he only speaks when it's quiet. Like he can't teach me unless it is through an audible English speaker.
I had completely missed a key point in the word, he lives in us! If he is in me than I am not searching for something but simply bringing to light what is within. This does not require a specific environment, to do so is simply offensive to a God who can work in and through all things.
"Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus The Lord so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving." Colossians 2:6-7
I confess the word of God was replaced by my self righteousness. You see In a desire to be the ultimate Christian my quiet time became a routine with a specific checklist of the materials I would need in order to grow. Physical Church had to look a certain way and if it didn't I was determined it had nothing to offer me.
This reeks of legalism in which the bible clearly states enraged our dear God.
I've been praying to get creative with God and I think I have my answer. I must think outside of the box. Is a quiet space by oneself and certain materials bad? No these are good things but they became bad when I was determined it was the only way to spend time with my father.
Funny to think I put the very man in a box who came to the earth, pissed off Pharisees with his radical ways, rarely preached In a church, hung out with those labeled "unworthy" and performed miracles one deemed as impossible. I'm stunned, how did I manage to put my Jesus in a box? Why did I strive for perfection when that is so clearly not what he has asked of me?
No, if anything God has called me perfect and worthy since he sent his very son to die for me. Wow I had made a mess of the gospel, I was completely missing the point. Now I am asking the questions instead of assuming that my way or the learned way is the best way to do it. I'm on a path of discovery to what Christianity really means.
The more I look at the bible the more I realize I chose the nice bible verses about joy and leading a happy life instead of the ones that exposed the imperfect, unpredictable and messy life Christianity was.
"Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of god. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh. Blessed are you when people hate you and when they exclude you and when they revile you and spurn your name as evil, on account of the son of man! Rejoice in that day, and leap for joy, for behold, your reward is great in heaven; for so their fathers did to the prophets." -Luke 6:20-22
I'm on a new journey, to discover God in every and all circumstances. If I am the church than it is not confined to a building and my growth is not determined by a specific time or space. Clearly it is important to spend time with God but I have been challenged to truly discover what that means for myself. Can't wait to see the church and what I thought Christianity was explode before my very eyes!
Love, Ellie
Let's be real, we've all got questions…
