This is not my kind of race, and thank goodness The Lord knows better than I.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declared The Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts”
Isaiah 55:8-9
Entitlement issues galore, I tell ya! It’s amazing how we say we’ve surrendered a year of our life to serve and love our Heavenly Father, but then enter with terms and conditions paperwork for Him to fill out.
- I’ll be grateful, sure, unless you put me on a crappy team with that one person I don’t like.
- I’ll give you praise daily, unless we have to eat soupy oatmeal or seema again. (Seema = corn flour in a very interesting form).
- I’ll be joyful, unless of course I don’t really like my ministry this month.
- I’ll read scripture more, but I’ll wait until the Wifi connection starts cutting out.
- I’ll be bold in sharing the word.. Well, until you allow me to be sick with dengue fever and call me home for month 2.
- I’ll commit to my team and love them well, unless I’m busy watching the movie I’ve been talking about for days.
These may seem like quite picky examples. But our Father is a God of details. And thankfully, a God of grace. He knows every hair on our head and thought in our mind. He chooses to know us this way.
So why wouldn’t we want to glorify him in every way we can?
I found myself thinking about what I thought my “ideal world race” would look like and laughed at how much God has proven me wrong.
For example…
I wouldn’t change a thing about my training camp. Except that one time they made me a team leader. I was certain that the people surrounding me were “better Christians” with more experience in evangelism, more experience praying, more knowledge of the bible.. The race was a time for me to get to their level while serving The Lord, right?
Heck, my ideal race would consist of 11 months! I suppose 10 out of 11 countries is still a pretty decent success rate.. Also, my ideal race certainly wouldn’t consist of losing my hair three months later.
(Seriously, Dengue, you suck!)
I realize now that God knew I needed to see what real leadership and community was all about. Naturally, I had a plan to work on myself for an 11 month period. Trust me, there is plenty that needs to be fixed-up and fine-tuned. But instead, God showed me that others get to/have to take part in my growth as well. Quite simply, we have to do it together because we are called into unity as his children!
James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so you may be healed”
Sometimes that means hard conversations that bring tears and conviction. Conversations where pride wants to trump humility and unforgiveness taints the grace we vow to give.
(We vow to give it when we receive it.. Sorry, folks)
These are the times, I’ve learned, that break me down and allow The Lord to rebuild within me, giving me a trustworthy foundation.
So the part about people having more experience in evangelism, more experience praying, more knowledge of the bible? 100% true. And I get an opportunity to do life and learn from them for 11 months!
The part about not being ______ enough? Whatever it may be.
False.
I’m the daughter of a merciful Father that never stops pursuing me, and that makes me enough.
So here I am. Entering month 6. God doesn’t need me. God is all-powerful and I have nothing to offer him that he doesn’t already have. I am not entitled to anything, because I’m a sinner. This is all true.
BUT, He desires our fellowship. It brings him joy to be in relationship with his children that he loves so much! He is the giver of the greatest gifts. He is jealous for our attention and affection. So I’ll surrender the expectations that formed without my knowledge. I’ll surrender my understanding that is consistently subpar. Because I’d be a fool not to!
Let’s do this unpredictable, life-changing thing called faith.
