This week began as kind of an emotional roller coaster (understatement)…
On Monday I found out that some friends of mine from church were in a terrible car accident. Holly died at the scene, and Brad was in the ICU in a medically induced coma*. The very next day (after being an emotional wreck prior), I heard that an former squad mate of mine was in a car accident with her boyfriend and also in ICU.
I felt immediately helpless.
Here I was, halfway around the world, and I could physically do nothing to help those I loved and cared about back home. I can’t offer a shoulder to cry on, a comforting hug, or even a gentle smile. But then it dawned on me… I can offer words.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Matthew 5:4
“The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18
“He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.”
Psalm 91:4
When my father died of a heart attack unexpectedly two years ago, my world went into a tailspin. I cried so much that when I looked in a mirror I didn’t recognize who was staring back at me, I barely ate, and everything people did seemed to aggravate me. I was trying to battle this monster that had dug it’s claws deep into my being and refused to let go. But what made it easier was having people to support and love me and knowing that I trusted and believed in a perfect God.
If I could go back in time and give myself some “words of wisdom,” it would come down to this:
1. Be OK, not being OK.
No one expects you to keep it all together. You lost someone you loved and cared for deeply. It’s okay to cry, weep, scream, yell… just let your emotions out! I straight up started crying in the middle of Applebee’s after my father’s death and my friend took me home. And that’s OK! Know that you won’t be judged for doing so and there will be arms there to hold you.
2. Don’t try to be “The Strong One.”
*cue buzzer sound* EEEEEEEERRRKKK! This helps no one, especially you. As I mentioned above, no one expects you to be okay. You will only hurt yourself more if you don’t allow yourself to really grief and let those around you help. It’s even good to let others see you grieve, and I mean really grieve. It lets them know that it’s okay for them too as well.
3. Understand that life will still happen around you.
I remember always being angry when people were laughing or having a good time in the weeks/months following my father’s death and thinking, “Why are you so happy?! He JUST died! You shouldn’t be happy!” But I had to remember that people all grieve in their own way, and their grief just looked different than mine.
4. It WILL get easier. I promise.
Personally, in the moment, I thought my life was over and I would never escape from misery. But you do find that light and gradually it gets brighter with each step. It won’t be easy, some days you will backtrack a little, and that’s okay. Eventually things start falling back into place and you have nothing but good memories to outweigh the bad. Even today I will randomly choke up about my father, and 99.9% of the time, it’s because of a good memory. So don’t give up, trust me when I say you will be alright.
5. God’s plan is perfect, even when we don’t see it.
I have a hard time swallowing this pill every time a situation or circumstance comes along that I don’t like. But it’s a very true statement. Even when the world seems to be coming apart at the seams, you can’t find the door to freedom, and you feel like every waking moment is met with pain and despair… there is a light at the end of the tunnel! God never intends to bring us harm! He only wants what is best for us, and while that may seem inconceivable, it’s true. In the end he works out all of the good, the bad, and even the ugly, for his glory.
Trust that God will not only lead you to the light, but into it.
Holly, even though our time together was cut short, I was so grateful for your support and constant encouragement. You were a true light on this Earth and I am so sad that you will not be there when I return. However, I know this is not the end of your story. You’re basking in the presence of God for all eternity and nothing can trump that. I look forward to catching up when I reach Heaven as well! Tell my dad I say hello.
Katie, Holly, & Kimberly sporting my World Race shirts in Guatemala.
*Brad awoke from his induced coma and though he has a severe concussion and some contusions he will make a full recovery. Praise the Lord! Please keep the family in your prayers as they continue to mourn the loss of a wife, mother, daughter, sister, & friend.
