I have had a hard time writing blogs this last month because the truth is I feel beat up, bruised, heartbroken, and ready to crawl home to my mom and dad.
This last month has been one of the hardest month on the race, and it felt like everywhere I looked, everywhere I turned, every time I slept, Satan was waiting for me to try to destroy me.
This is going to sound crazy, but one night in Ometepe, I had a dream where Satan himself gave me a tour of the last month of my life. He showed me my rash and said, “See, making you sick use to be enough to keep you down, but that isn´t good enough anymore.” Then He showed me conversations I had with people, and things people had said to discourage me, and he said, “See I did that to bring you down.” Then He showed me temptations that he out in my path, and ways that I had failed and he said, “See the Lord can´t use someone like you, you are a mess.¨ This went on and on, and it was so vivid and specif.
I woke up from that dream covered in my rash. It was the worse that it had ever been. I prayed so hard that night. I prayed for against all the things that I had been shown coming against me. I stated out loud that I was a child of God, and the blood of Jesus makes me who I am. I said that it doesn´t matter what I do or don´t do, that Satan can´t have a hold on my life.
That night I took a shower to help calm my rash, and when I woke up the next morning it was gone. Since e then, there are times like this morning when my hands start to itch, and when this happens, I say, “No Satan, you will not do this to me.” And again this might sound crazy, but it goes away.
I know that the Lord must be doing something amazing in my life, or I wouldn´t be experiencing these trials. I am encouraged and hopeful, but at the same time I kind of just want to cry.
From where I am standing at today, it is hard to see what good came out of last month, but the Lord is faithful, His ways are higher than my ways, and I am pressing on.
