The following are some random thoughts on community living. I don’t even have a conclusion. I think the most difficult part of being on the world race is living in community. There are always other people around me.
We live, work, eat, play, bank, sleep, shop, shower, and go to the bathroom together. I don’t even think normal American husband and wives spend as much time together as we do. If nothing else husbands and wives at least have the priveledge of going to different jobs. I think that the only other humans that spend as much time together as worldracers do are new mothers and people that live in isolated jungle tribes.
Because of safety issues, we can’t go to the bathroom alone at night. Almost every night when I’m sound asleep in my mummy bag, I hear “Elizabeth, Elizabeth I have to go the bathroom.” So I crawl out of my warm cocoon, and stumble through the cold night air to go inhale the sweet scent of the long drop.
The only thing worse than being woken up to walk someone to the bathroom is waking up knowing that I have to go to the bathroom. The only thing worse than just having to crawl out of my cocoon in the middle of the night, is crawling out of out of my cocoon drinking a warm cup of guilt.
My fellow Lego’s see the ugly me. They see me when I haven’t showered for a week, and I wearing dinner on my tenth day jeans. They also see the withdrawn me, the me that doesn’t want to be nice to people. The me that’s crying because I can’t get a phone signal or something else equally as stupid.
I’m not saying I don’t like the people in my community. I love the other Lego’s. The problem isn’t others, the problem is that I can’t hide. I can’t pretend to smell good when I don’t. I can’t pretend to like people when I don’t. I have to be real, and the real me can be ugly.
I get tired of always being made aware of how utterly selfish I am.
God is using this community to teach me how to accept His love. Sometimes at church in the States someone would complement me. I.e. “you are so good at serving.” To this I would say thank you, but inside I would say no I’m not, you just think that because you don’t know how selfish I am.
But now when my teammates affirm a gift God has given me, it is easier to believe them. I know they know messy human me, and I’m finding that I’m out of excuses. I have no choice but to believe them.
It’s really a beautiful thing. I think.
