When I was in China, I thought I like it here, “Chief, can I stay here?” He said, “Elizabeth, look at me and keep on walking.” When we passed through LA,I went to church with a friend and I asked, “Chief, can I stay here in the American church.” He said, “Elizabeth, look at me and keep on walking.” So there I was loving the Lord, loving my teammates, and living happily, emotionally detached from the countries I visited. Then I got to Nicaragua, the moment I stepped outside the airport, and felt the warm air on my face, I felt like I had just gotten home. The more I begin to like this place, I started asking, “Chief look at you and keep on walking?” But He said, “Love the people and trust me.” I said, “Look at you and keep on walking?” He said, “Love the people and trust me.”
As I rode standing smashed between ten people today on a bus with my new Nicaraguan friends, I started to cry because even though they were making fun of my breathing because I was squished, even though my feet are now permanently cut up and dirty, even though I have bruises on my leg from a dog bite, and even though I’m tired, I have fallen in love with this county. Coming here has unlocked new dreams in my heart, and it has broken parts of me that I didn’t think could be broken.
I can’t put into words what I love about this country-the people, the natural beauty, the Lord’s heart for it. There is something deep in my heart that yearns for the people here. Some nights when I can’t sleep, I stay up and beg the Lord to let me come back here. I don’t know why I ask this. It is almost like I can’t help but ask this. It is like when you meet a new attractive man or woman, and you don’t know why you want to be with them you just know you do. That is how I feel about this country. I think, “Lord, I’ll cry for your dying children here, I’ll cry for the boys who grow up without fathers, I’ll mentor the girls who don’t have mothers, I’ll teach the woman that you love them. Pick me, Lord, pick me.” In the moments when I’m not trying to protect my heart, in the moments when I let my guard down and let my heart feel, I am overwhelmed by the Lord’s amazing love for His people here.
This doesn’t happen very often on the race, but when I woke up this morning I thought, today I would really like to be at home. I would really like to see my mom and dad, sisters, and hermit crabs. Then I thought, but as much as I want to see Hamster and Houdini, I don’t know how I am ever going to leave Nicaragua. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I told the Lord that if He is leading my life in a another direction away from this country, I need Him to change my heart, because I don’t have the strength to carry my heart out of this country on my own.
