Growing up in small town, Princeton, MN, I was known by everyone. My mom was a nurse, my dad was a pastor, and my family was very involved in the community so even if you didn’t know me, you knew of me.
When my brother, Jason, passed away, my new title was “that girl”. That Girl whose brother passed away. That Girl that no one knew how to talk to. That Girl who was hurting. That Girl that was a hot mess. That Girl that went through a bunch of craziness but somehow looks like she’s still holding it all together??
When I came on the Race, I wasn’t That Girl anymore. I was just Elizabeth Friend. I had a completely clean slate and no one was had any preconceived notions about me (besides all of the social media stalking). I was able to be completely myself and let people into my story at my own pace.
This was a beautiful thing and it gave a lot of space to explore what the death of my brother really meant for me. I actually had the space to be real with myself and admit the hard truths that I didn’t have the space to admit before. I got to actually voice those lies that I had been believing for so long.
Lies that sounded a lot like:
You could have done something to save Jason.
You weren’t as strong as you needed to be.
You need to be successful so that people know you as someone besides That Girl.
Ouch.
These lies didn’t come from anyone. It was literally just the enemy. Searching desperately for strongholds in my life. Wanting to take anything that he’s able to in order to have power over me.
The Lord showed me that a lot of these lies that I was believing about myself were rooted in shame. Shame of not living up to the world’s standards of “being strong”. Shame of accepting the title of That Girl as my identity. Shame that came straight from the enemy but that became a core part of who I believed myself to be. Being in on the Race gave me the safe environment to truly explore the dirtiness of this subject so that I could fully release myself from the stronghold that shame held over me.
1 Corinthians 7:11 says, “See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.”
In the months following Jason’s death, the guilt, shame, and grief felt like anything but a godly sorrow. It was miserable and lonely and depressing. It hurt more than I knew that anything could hurt. But being on the other side of it, I can see how godly the sorrow truly was. I can see that it really did produce that “readiness to see justice done” that the Bible talks about. I’m passionate about seeing the lost being saved and the hurt finding healing. I’m passionate about walking alongside others as they begin to walk in freedom because I’m able to see how much it has impacted my life. I’m filled to overflowing with a readiness to see the Kingdom come.
Today, I would encourage you to take some time to ask the Lord if shame has a stronghold in your life. If the answer if “yes”, ask again, “what is it”? Then, bring it to light. Find a trustworthy person to tell and release that shame from the power that it has. That’s the most important part. Admit it and release it so that you’re able to find freedom.
If want someone to talk to, I am able to be someone that’s trustworthy. I would love to walk through this with you, no matter how messy it may seem. Just send me an email at [email protected] and I would love to chat about it more!
