I tell myself I’ve done
everything I should before leaving. I’ve packed my backpack. I’ve
sent in my paperwork. I’ve gotten my vaccinations. And somehow, I
still wonder if I’m really ready for this.
everything I should before leaving. I’ve packed my backpack. I’ve
sent in my paperwork. I’ve gotten my vaccinations. And somehow, I
still wonder if I’m really ready for this.
I was reading through the WR
manual again looking for the packing list, and it hit me: this is
going to be a HARD year. Sure, a lot of people have told me that I’m
undertaking something amazing, and that they wish they could do
something like this (sidenote: I don’t think it’s ever too late to
have that adventure), and that I’m going to have an amazing time. I
don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer, but I’m starting to realize
it’s really not going to be all fun and photo ops.
manual again looking for the packing list, and it hit me: this is
going to be a HARD year. Sure, a lot of people have told me that I’m
undertaking something amazing, and that they wish they could do
something like this (sidenote: I don’t think it’s ever too late to
have that adventure), and that I’m going to have an amazing time. I
don’t want to sound like a Debbie Downer, but I’m starting to realize
it’s really not going to be all fun and photo ops.
I will get upset with my
teammates. I will get frustrated with living circumstances. I will
feel the grief of those around us. I will be uncomfortably hot. I
will be uncomfortably cold. I will know the agony of mosquitoes in a
way that I can barely imagine now. I will be soggy because it is the
rainy season. I will wear wet clothes because we have no dry shelter
to hang our laundry. I will be sad because I cannot give more. I
will be irritated because I am asked to give more.
teammates. I will get frustrated with living circumstances. I will
feel the grief of those around us. I will be uncomfortably hot. I
will be uncomfortably cold. I will know the agony of mosquitoes in a
way that I can barely imagine now. I will be soggy because it is the
rainy season. I will wear wet clothes because we have no dry shelter
to hang our laundry. I will be sad because I cannot give more. I
will be irritated because I am asked to give more.
But more than that, I will
miss home. I will miss my friends terribly. I will miss my pets. I
will miss my parents (Mom, stop crying). I will miss being able to
call people whenever I want, knowing that even if they aren’t there,
I can call them later. I will miss keeping up with the lives of
everyone at home. Because while I’m gone, life keeps going. Careers
will move forward. People will find new cities. Friends will get
married. Babies will be born (please don’t let me come back to a sea
of toddlers).
miss home. I will miss my friends terribly. I will miss my pets. I
will miss my parents (Mom, stop crying). I will miss being able to
call people whenever I want, knowing that even if they aren’t there,
I can call them later. I will miss keeping up with the lives of
everyone at home. Because while I’m gone, life keeps going. Careers
will move forward. People will find new cities. Friends will get
married. Babies will be born (please don’t let me come back to a sea
of toddlers).
Am I doing the right thing?
Is this going to be a fruitful year? Will I be glad I did it when
it’s over? Will I even make it through October? I don’t know. I
hope the answer to all those questions is yes. But at this point,
it’s not going to do me any good to worry. I just wish my brain
would recognize that fact.
Is this going to be a fruitful year? Will I be glad I did it when
it’s over? Will I even make it through October? I don’t know. I
hope the answer to all those questions is yes. But at this point,
it’s not going to do me any good to worry. I just wish my brain
would recognize that fact.
