There are 2 words that have the power to strike joy or pain, excitement or fear into the hearts of a world racer. TEAM CHANGES. Going into month 5, Q sQuad was well aware that these 2 words were coming. For one, the guys and girls had been separate for the month, so in order to come back together we would need to be reorganized. Second, month five brings the bittersweet fact that our current squad leaders will be finished with their role at the end of the month, which means that 3 of our squad mates will be raised up. I found comfort in the idea that I had survived a team change before (and loved the experience!) and that our squad leaders and mentor would prayerfully choose new squad leaders to walk with us on this journey.
If I’ve learned anything from this Race so far, it is that the Lord is always going to blow my expectations out of the water. Nothing ever looks like what I imagined and I am always exactly where God wants me to be. (Funny how this theme tends to weave a thread through each of my blogs.) Q sQuad is full of detectives, so in the first few days of our debrief there was a lot of stipulation about the coming shifts. I talked to Jesus about it and was reminded that I didn’t need to figure it out or worry. I continued to ask Him for my daily portion of only what I needed for the day. He promises this and I see it come to fruition in incredible ways.
A few days before debrief was over and announcements were to be made, I was approached by one of our wonderful squad leaders. The two of us have become very sweet friends and she asked if we could “hang-out” after worship. That night we sat under the African stars and chatted about life and the race and he plans for when she got home. I thought that was it – some great girl talk with a wonderful friend. But then she got really excited and said she had something to talk to me about. She grabbed my hands and invited me to squad lead for the remainder of our race. Have you ever seen a marriage proposal so shocking that the girl just stares in a state of awe and confusion? That was me (minus the incredible ring or guy on the knee.) I felt so humbled and surprised and excited and a bit intimidated. This group of people is one of the most capable, loving, precious communities that I have ever encountered. Could I lead them well? Could I shepherd them in a way that would mentor and equip? Could I emotionally handle the burdens that they carry and the hardships that many have had to walk through?
No. I can’t. And that is exactly where God want me. I am incredibly honored to step into this role as squad leader, knowing fully that I am incapable because God is completely capable. The journey that God has taken me on this year has brought me through such a crazy process. if you go back to the first blog that I wrote after training camp, you will meet a girl who had just realized that she had completely defined her identity by her role. God was stripping off layers of anxiety, control, titles, and expectations. He walked with me through the following months and redefined who I am in Him alone. He pursued me and challenged me. I am so grateful that the Lord knows the state of my heart. Today I spent some time verbally thanking Him for this and asking what He wants me to learn or be or do in this season. He simply told me to “walk in it.”
I will walk into this new season with boldness, with humility, and with the authority given to us through Christ alone. I will walk into this season hand in hand with my squad leader teammates – Jenni and Josiah – who already challenge and encourage me daily. I will walk into this season with the assurance that His strength is made perfect my weakness.
I will walk in it.
