Of all of the subjects that I pictured myself writing about in my lifetime, ditching the glass slipper was not one of them. I love fairytales and happy endings. I love pretty dresses and have a wedding board on Pinterest. I identify my closest friends by the Disney princess that they most closely identify with. (I was Cinderella, but I think I may be more of an Ariel.) In fact, if you could see my computer screen right now, you would see this blog on the right side of the screen, and the The Little Mermaid playing in a window on the left. Let’s be real. I love love. Over the course of the last seven months, though, the Lord has rewritten what this four-letter word really means. I’ve discovered that my beloved fairytales have some myths written into them that need some Biblical debunking. These revelations are applicable to philia love and often eros love, and ultimately help lead us closer to the agape love that the Lord has for each of us.
Love at first sight is not just a feeling.
First, I realize that this does not apply to parents with newborns, or to God and His creation. What I am talking about here is the idea that you can see another person – with no prior experience with them – and fully love them. To love fully requires choice, commitment, and action, not just feelings.
Walking into this year I had this idea that I would immediately have an overflow of love for the people on my squad and that it would feel good and easy and like a ballroom dance scene. Everyone would know the steps. Everyone would come prepared and excited. Everyone would be seeking the same things. Everyone would like the same songs, and the night would be beautiful. Obviously these are not realistic expectations, but I am convinced that many of us carry them into new relationships. Cinderella does this. She shows up in a pretty dress, dances for a few minutes, and decides that forever is calling. That doesn’t work, though. She is thrown back into the real world and ends up stuck in a corner covered in ash again.
Here is the good news. Choosing into a loving relationship takes these on-screen images and makes them real life. It brings all of our senses into play. During our month 7 debrief I got a behind-the-scenes look at the repercussions of this kind of choosing in. I saw teams who said the hard things, fought to resolve conflict, and learned to appreciate their teammates differences.This kind of self-sacrifice is often left out of the fairytale. These teams often cried tears of joy as the recounted the ways that God had knit their hearts together over the past 3 months. They have lived out Romans 12:9-11 where Paul writes on the mark of a true Christian, “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.” The authenticity of this kind of loving relationship is entirely worth fighting the obstinance of our flesh.
The villain is not always obvious.
Ursula was huge. She popped out of the sea water like a giant volcano. Cruella de Ville has the words cruel and devil in her name. Shan Yu was guilty of murder, war crimes, and gambling, AND he survived an avalanche and stuck his hand out of the snow like he was waving to a buddy. These guys were pretty obvious. They blatantly seek out ways to hurt those around them. In real life, though, the enemy is often much sneakier.
One of the biggest villains of love that I have seen on the Race is comparison. Comparison takes our eyes of of the joy of community and focuses them on ourselves. We our no longer thinking about ways to serve those around us, but about ways that they are serving better than we are. It twists the beautiful way that God has woven our giftings together and makes it a knot of people trying to be the brightest color. Comparison blinds us to ways that God wants us to learn and grow with those around us. I have seen Q sQuad face this villain head on and win. We fight through comparison with honesty, vulnerability, and affirmation. We strive to outdo one another in showing honor in the way that we are asked to in Romans. This is creating a community of authentic love – love that is worth choosing and fighting for.
Glass slippers are pretty, but Chacos are better.
Love is messy. Team times get tense. Perspectives come from ALL over the place. People that you have chosen to love may try to escape. When they do, the glass slippers will make it difficult to run after them. Sometimes you have to pursue that teammate who is walking through a season of brokenness. There will be moments of climbing mountains of doubt or mistrust. There will be days when you have to be vulnerable and go barefoot. You may have a conflict that scratches the surface of those shiny glass shoes.
I don’t think our hearts were created for glass shoes. I think they were made Chacos – durable, adjustable, and easy to kick off. They can handle the mud and the rain and the cobblestone streets. Sure, they smell sometimes and leave some awesome tan lines, but they will get through the rockiest of years.
As we head into this 4 month adventure in Asia, this is my prayer for Q sQuad. First, that we would ditch the glass slippers of comparison, insecurity, and expectation. Second, that we would strap on Chacos when the road gets rough, pushing through differences and weariness. Finally, that we would kick off our shoes out of vulnerability and an openness to choose into this crazy fulfilling love that we were created for.
