I don't want to make the call on the 19th asking what's next since I didn't meet the $6000 deadline on the 18th. I know I haven't really shown much fear about raising the money. I kept saying that I have the faith that I will be fully funded by launch and I am not saying that faith has faded now. But knowing I need to raise over $2,800 in 10 days sounds crazy. I've never reached this moment before when it came to finances. I have always had full faith that God will provide in any and every situation if it is His will to do whatever it is I am doing. I don't know if me not having full faith right now makes me question 'is this God's will?' when I leave for this journey in less than a month.
I have been told that maybe one person has been sent home because they weren't fully funded but what about not reaching the goal that is set to have raised before launch? I brought a one way non-refundable plane ticket to Atlanta. I have been putting off buying insurance. I have no idea why because I have enough faith to buy a non-refundable plane ticket, you think I could buy insurance. I was supposed to the insurance covered 5 days ago. I guess I'll try to make myself to buy it after I finish this.
I have no plan b. I don't want to have to go back to my retail job I am working at now. I want something more. I want to finally live out my dream. I don't want to let go of the first true community I have an opportunity to be part of. I want go and love on the orphans, widows, victims of human trafficking, gypsies, refugees, bar owners, and anyone I will encounter in the next year. I don't see me going back to college right now.
My body has started screaming at me to love someone, get married, and starting having babies which makes me want this is even more. I have never been in a relationship. One guy tried but I was confused during the whole process until after I said yes, well actually I said okay. Anyway, I played along and still a little confused for about 2 weeks and then realized I was telling him I had to work when he wanted to go out quite a few time. [A few times, I did actually have to work] I don't know if I got so used to not feeling that I didn't know how and didn't try at the time. Then in college, I gave another guy a try. He didn't go to my school which I liked because it was a small college and word spreads fast. We went on a date with my friend and her mom came along. Let's just say my friend and him had more things in common plus he worked in another state during the week.
I don't share these truths to just write them because I need to get them out. I share them for accountabily. I share them so that the prayer warriors out there can lift me up in prayer. I don't share the truths I share on this website to ruin anyone's reputation. I am sorry that I when I open up, I don't keep any secrets. I don't believe in half-truths.
This song reminds me there is something more.
