'Things get worse before they get better,' right?
I've allowed myself to get hurt time and time again because that was better than loneliness. I didn't quite understand that getting into the word and having a relationship with God was possible. I felt like reading my bible was one of those things that people did to get into heaven. I asked God into my heart at a young age and I didn't think reading the bible would help me. I had heard the stories and the one life lesson every year. The same thing over and over. I did bible drills which I meant I could get to the same old bible story faster. Big whoop. Then there was awanas which I saw as 'memorize verses, get fake money, can get something in return which usually was candy.' What's the big deal? Then youth group. All I remember is getting packs of gum for answers questions correctly and getting a sucker if I brought my bible. Oh and saving myself for marriage was watching lame videos and signing a card every February. Then there was the Judgement House around Halloween that pretty much scared people into salvation.
Never really realized but I guess these are some of the things that drove me out of my home church. What brought me back after 7 years? It's not like I didn't go to church at all those 7 years or rebelled….not too much at least. Actually, I don't if it wa rebellon or what it was really. I came back because I started working weekends during school and felt weird not going somewhere. I have no license and my mom worked at another church where I didn't really feel comfortable and didn't want to get to know anyone. Since we were/are living with my grandmother, I went with her which meant sunday school as well. Fellowship that I thought I could deal with. I survived the first two years of youth so I can survive this, right? Most of them probably don't realize why I seem to have to so much against them and really, there isn't much at all. They were just another puzzle peice in the abandonment puzzle. That sounds weird since I left the church not them. What I mean is that I was pretty much invisible in youth other than to one new person to my home church.
Okay, I know I have bashed on my home church a lot and the question now is, why do I still go? Because I am the one who held on to the hurt that most of them didn't mean to inflict. Because I know I need some kind of christian fellowship. My fear though is that I am only still going because I didn't want to recieve a donation for the WR and then stop going or to keep going in hopes that they could give me more at a later date. I fear that I keep going so that when I send support letters out to the church members, they give because I come on Sundays. I love worshiping God in song because all I have to do is close my eyes…Then, it is only God and me. I feel peace and no longer worry about who I am around or where I am at.
i have realizad before the WR that I can give myself a pity party and can be annoying at times. I thought most of my blogs would be on how God used me in some crazy ways but didn't realy think about what I would write about before the race. I feel like God is going to do some crazy things through me but He is also going to turn my world upside down, chisel me, break me, and then buid me back up and heal me. Then no one will be able to stop me from doing His work, loving His children, and just enjoying life!
Training camp
Got to sleep in tents most of it in the wonderful southern heat with the occasional shower. I get to experience that weather til launch! 🙂 The sessions at the beginning were intense but needed. Jonathon and Melissa were amazing. My squad prayed healing powers over a squadmate's ankle which is not broken like it should have been. She is on crutches right now so pray for a speedy recovery. I got humbled by the women's retreat. Team building activities were interesting and fun. I got eat all kinds of foods and induldge in some goodies at the shop that I thought I couldn't have at the beginning. 🙂 I came out with 51[+] new family members and cannot wait to see them again in September. I found out my team.
When trying to think of a name for the team, God laid the word 'radiant' on my heart. Which by the way, I can't seem to get the word radiant out my head. I love it though. Here are my teammates:
KELSEY http://kelseyamann.theworldrace.org/?category=All_Articles
CARLY [team leader!]http://carlycrookston.theworldrace.org/
KATLYN [she is in England right now!]http://katlynhead.theworldrace.org/
AMANDA http://amandastoesz.theworldrace.org/
ANGEL http://angelborthwick.theworldrace.org/
Team RADIANT
Richly Affirmed Daughters In All Nations Triumphing
sorry for what seems like a long post!
