So you know when you instantly regret praying for patience. Well, I didn't pray for it but God is telling me to have patience. I didn't realize how jealous I was of my teammates until tonight. They have been super close with their family all their lives and they all get daily emails from at least one person. I love that they get that. It is just making me realize how much I crave intimacy. God is telling me to have patience because He wants me to learn how to be intimate with Him before I can be intimate with my team. It's frustrating wanting to have intimacy with people when I don't engage my teammates daily. I don't let them in. It's frustrating on both ends because 1]I engage whenever there are strangers and we are with the whole squad [I engage with squadmates before my teammates] 2]I close myself off when it it is just my team. I don't pursue my team. 3]My team has constantly told me that want me to engage. They want all of me.
I want to be stripped of my comforts. I want to become uncomfortable. Yes, I should crave both of those things but the reason I want them now is because I know I would be forced to actually depend on God to get me through it. I say I depend on God for daily things but I don't make sure I have time in the morning to spend time with God and to be in the Word. I choose to close myself off and treat the day like any day I would at home.
It doesn't matter if I don't have stories that relate, I should want to listen to theirs. I should want to know more and want to tell more.
Most humans don't like change. The only change I really like is the change of physical location. It's been interesting trying to change. Trying to adapt to this new lifestyle. Trying something new. Trying to have conversations.
