Constantly hearing that most of the Moldovans want to leave doesn’t break my heart like it does for my teammates. I should probably wonder why it doesn’t but I won’t. What does break my heart is that the only church in this area is the one my team is staying at and it only has 25 members. Knowing that these people don’t know the joy or the hope that God can give them is why I am understand them wanting to leave Moldova. As long as they know that there is something more. I pray that they question why we are here. Why we would come to a place where no one has an idea exists. I know what it looks like to have no hope. To struggle to find joy. That is what is to not know God. To not trust God. God is my strength. He is the one who provides my hope and joy. He is the reason for me choosing life.
I want to say that I have tried to have conversations about God or the bible while playing skip-o but sadly I tend to zone out. My mind wanders and I don’t really pay attention to the game or the teenage guys that come to this church every day. These guys are our main ministries this month and I am not giving my best. The only good thing that I can take from that is I feel like I’ve experienced personal growth and that our team is becoming stronger. I am completely obsessed with my team and the craziness that each day consists of. They keep me going throughout the day. They’re honest with me and speak truth into me. They’re constantly challenging me even without realizing it.
I didn’t realize how much of a mission minded person I am until noticing that every story I tell is about something that happened while doing some kind of mission work. It’s not bad thing, I’m just realizing that you can’t mix mission work stories with past boyfriend stories. I am the one people call a crazy missionary. Oh and by the way, I am okay with that title. Something else that made me realize this is that I scheduled my life around missions. I was crazy enough to do homeless ministry Friday and Saturday night, work Saturday and Sunday at Hibbetts, work the dorm Sunday night from 7 to midnight, and go to church as well. To say the least, I was a zombie around 8PM Sunday night. I didn’t dare attempt to work on homework. I usually watched movies or tv shows. I did that two weekends last Fall. Homeless ministry usually went from 11PM-5AM which consisted of walking around downtown Memphis to give sandwiches, water, and clothes sometimes. When I signed up for mission trips, I didn’t think about my work schedule or what school projects I needed to finish. I didn’t think about if I had the money to go. I just signed up and knew God would take care of the rest if it was His will for me to go on that trip.
What I find hilarious is that I am trying to put my faith that God will provide the money for me to meet the deadlines on this trip in a box. Yes, He has whispered “Don’t worry. Let me show off” to me several times since training camp but I’m human. It’s hard when my support account hasn’t changed since launch and I am less than a hundred dollars over the second deadline that was in August. My next deadline is December and I need about $4,400. I hate that I am trying to cram that faith into a box. To cram God in that box.
