Am I ready to work on myself? Not really
I'll get right to it when it comes to helping others. I'll give 120% but when it comes to me; I just push the fears, feelings, thoughts, or whatever it is to the corner and build walls around them. God has tried to tear down the walls to take all the bad but I cling to it. Why would I cling to something that is harming me? It's my identity, it didn't seem fun to create a new one. So i became the quiet one that no one really notices or remembers. I know that I have said that I thought I talked a lot. Well, I realized that is only with one person and the wonderful Depew family who I don't get to see much. I'm pretty mute everywhere else. I become awkard in all social situations. I don't know what to say. I end up talking to myself or sticking my headphones in. Or walk away if I could. I have become a very patient listener.
Caution:Damaged Goods
My heart is fragile.
I've tried to build walls
To protect it.
But it all comes
Crumbling down
As soon I as
I try to take a chance.
A chance to trust
A chance to feel.
A chance to love.
A chance to smile.
Unopened
Unwanted
Unwell
Uncut
Damaged goods
Don't have to
Stay broken,
They can be healed.
I wrote that poem this past April after yet another friendship fell to pieces. I want to speak truths over myself and believe them. I can repeatedly tell myself that I am loved. I am accepted.I am chosen. I am wanted. I am cared for. I have a purpose. There is hope. Happiness is in the arm''s reach. I am not alone. Most of them feel like a lie though. Or like they're only last for a short time. Enough time to think it'll never happen again and I finally have confidence in myself. I've been told that when you are doing Lord's work, the devil attacks the most or the worst. Well then, I hope I am doing His work well because the devil is sending an army. People can speak truths over me but sadly I'll feel like they aren't being honest. That they are just saying things that are typical in that type situation.
I am glad that I felt led to read about Kirsten George's WR journey as well as what's going in her life now. She's posted a vlog that hits on this and I really like what she said so I am going to share it. Kirsten, hope you don't mind.
