You got it, “Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so,” was your little half-white, half-asian girl singing out in her Sunday School class. I went to church, I saw velcro-board Jesus and He indeed was my forever friend. His white robe, purple sash and those darn locks of love captured my heart at a young age? I guess the words to describe my childhood could be, seriously confused.
At age 9, “it’s my pleasure” became the phrase I wanted to puke out when I was seriously harmed by a “Christian” man in my life. Stuck. Disturbed. and again, Confused. In my transitioning years to middle school I became more aware of a deprived childhood I had. I learned what the “cool” words were, the way you laughed at someone when they humiliated them self instead of helping them up, and yes, I finally realized what happened to me in the corner of that dark room that day.
Now in 6th grade, I ran into a world consumed of darkness. Here I stayed, and here I drowned deeper and deeper. Self-mutilation reigned the throne for many months until the opposite sex became my affection. Not to long after this, an extremely insecure girl, found herself wandering off into a world of substances, hate for God and suppression.
To the outside eye I had it all together. I was known at school, was good at sports, excelled in the classroom, everyone liked me, but myself. I hated myself and the reality was, I was falling apart. I clung onto anything that might bring me some sort of temporary pleasure. I did this in order to escape the fears of not being welcomed back into the family if I dared to share what happened to me.
In the beginning months of my senior year of high school I couldn’t do it anymore. The bottle exploded and next thing I knew I found myself at the foot of the cross. How? The outpour of God’s GRACE, MERCY AND LOVE I saw in a few friends struck me down. Face down, at His feet not wanting to fight this battle alone anymore.
In these moments I asked God to reveal Himself to me, to help me because I was done doing it myself. Ever since that moment, He has truly outdone himself showering me with so much grace. Man, my God has provided beyond what I need and has started me down a path where I just want to surrender EVERYTHING to Him because He has far better plans anyway.
He has brought me in and out of counseling rooms for 9 months and started the healing process. He has brought me to an amazing church family that has taught me so much about intimacy with our Lord. He has transformed my family right before my eyes as we are all now actively seeking God’s presence. He has taken me to another country just to break my heart for what breaks His, and to call me back. He has truly done it all.
There is NO HOLDING BACK NOW, my God is greater and HE HEALS. As I have continued down this road of discovering who I am in Christ since coming back from Kenya, God has called me back to choosing healing. I am more aware of the things in my life that I need to once again lay at the cross to be able to walk in freedom.
I hope and pray that you will help me in this process and pray with me. Pray for healing, for clarity and for the Spirit’s leading and empowering. This whole journey is crazy to me, but I am excited that it is all bringing me into a place of service to our Lord. Specifically right now for the people of Kenya. If you would like to partner with God’s calling on my life in Kenya you can click the support me tab on the left, or just shoot me an email and ask HOW! I’d love to share. [email protected]
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please be encouraged that nothing is too big or impossible for our God.
