Yes I am praying and praying hard to continue on the World Race. To be honest it wasn’t until last night talking with our G-squad coordinator, Noe, that I realized how much I wasn’t ready to go home. Not only was I not ready but I know God still has work to do with me and in me here on the Race. It wasn’t until last night when faced with the very real possibility of going home because of lack of funds that it hit me “I don’t want to go home God”. I’ve been stuck in this place of trusting His plan for me that whatever it may be it's going to be good. Which it is, He gives good things. This I know. But in a way I was also using that to be prepared for if He didn’t come through because I didn’t want to be disappointed. So I used that as a crutch to be “ok either way” when in reality my heart is yearning to stay. I also came to the embarrassing and dare I say shameful confession of not having the faith I said I had. I would talk the talk but not walk the walk. I was expecting Him not to provide for me because I could figure things out on my own and someone else probably needed their prayers answered more than me. I was encouraging others to have deep faithful meaningful prayers and not just empty words but really I should have been calling myself out.
“What do you want in your heart of hearts? What does your spirit want?” is what Liz (teammate) asked me during our team time tonight and I wanted to shout “I want to stay!” but even then I hesitated for fear of being disappointed but the Father stirred in me to say…..”Yes I want to go….continue on the Race.” So my awesome family of strong Godly women kicked it in to high gear for me. They are fighting for me to stay. I’m pretty sure if it was necessary for physical fighting they might be willing to, Liz is little but feisty! Through all this our Father is showing how much He loves me through the people He’s brought into my life. Man Jesus I feel so loved and special right now it’s crazy.
I did not feel this way and certainly would not have been so open with you all reading this and with my team in the beginning of the Race but that is one of many ways that God has been transforming my heart for Him and for the people around me. My first ever team time Liz reminded me how I said “uh uh no I’m not going there with you guys, no, it’s just how I am, sorry (sarcasm was my weapon of choice). Wow and just typing I’m realizing how much that has gone down. Hmm wow dang God I know it’s you because I was one sarcastic lady, still sassy though. I have gotten gentler in my words and in my delivery. I’ve realized the power my words carry and how I wasn’t always using them for good. Ouch that one hurt. I realized how selfish I was with MY time especially back home and that one really hurt. But with every cut God is stitching up I’m healing quite nicely. There’s still some more stitching to be done and I want to be hear so He can get to stitching and I can be on a speedy recovery. So with that I am asking for your help.I have 3 days (until Feb 1st) to raise $4,847.96 to reach my last deadline to stay. I am asking you to partner with me financially and of course prayerfully to ensure I stay on the Race. I serve a good and powerful God and I know He is working in the hearts of those He’s already chosen to partner with me…..Could that be you?
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Thank You so much for taking the time to read my blog and take a glimpse into my heart. God Bless You.
