I feel, in this moment, like I am being embraced by the best fuzziest sweater hug of my life! I prayed for an epiphany this morning because I was starting to be like the doubter God talks about in the book of James. God answered that prayer tonight, and it all started with me pondering this simple question: So why did I choose to do this again?
Come, walk with me through my thought process!
Let's start with why not to go: I am in love my current job; I love my part-time business and see it someday replacing my current income; I finally moved closer to my family after being away for far too long; It's hard enough to see everybody as it is, so why go with the guarantee of not seeing ANYONE I know at this moment face to face for 11 months?; I'm finally starting to get ahead in life; I'm eliminating each medical bill and stupid financial decision I've made one by one; You're finally comfortable. STOP!!!!
Comfortable. There's a word that seems incredibly foreign to me. Since I can remember, I haven't been able to sit still for more than a church service. I don't intentionally try to be uncomfortable, but I have never like settling into the La-Z-Boy with my feet up for too long. There is just so much to do in life! Carpe diem so to speak. I understand the need to rest, and believe me, I get my eight hours a night, But I don't like to get more. And right now, I feel as if it's the time to wake up to stretch my legs.
And so I'm going to be uncomfortable for a year. I'm not going to be sleeping on a pillow top mattress underneath a down comforter, with the A/C kicking on every now and then to keep my room just right. I won't be able to drink my protein shake, wash my face with pure water, or eat all of the foods I am accustomed to eating to keep my body healthy. I won't be able to call my mom up in the middle of the day just to say hi. I am going to see things that I will never be able to get out of my head. I'm going to have to become much more fluent in Spanish if I want anyone to be able to understand what I'm saying. It's improbable, but there is a possibility that I could be bucket showering for the entire year! What on earth!
"Listen to yourself!!!! Every one of the things you won't be able to do is an everyday reality for an overwhelming amount of people. Remember that those people, the ones you have yet to meet, are the biggest reasons why you signed up to this in the first place. God has given you a gift. He has given you a heart for the least of those. Even the prostitutes, the ones with AIDS, the homeless man begging for a bite to eat, the drug addict, the atheist, the child that has grown up in slavery, the orphan; each and everyone started out, created in God's image, as a helpless babe. A infant, just like you."
Every person I've yet to meet has a story to tell; a reason they are where they are today. I want to know them and share with them why they don't have to let circumstances define who they are. I want them to know the hope they can have for perfect peace and eternal life because of Jesus Christ. I want them to know this so much that my heart is ready to jump right out of my chest!
I can't save the world, but by doing what God has called me to do, I can provide comfort, hope, and love to someone that may have never felt it in all their life. What more do I need?
-E
