Quizzes are the best (exception: the school variety). I take them all the time, though some are more accurate than others. My favorites include personality types, spiritual gifts, and Which Character From The Office Are You? When I meet someone new, I usually end up asking about their Meyers-Briggs type. There’s something fascinating about the way someone ticks; I love getting a better understanding of how their minds work and why they act the way they do.
Anyways, back in Month Two my team took a quiz to find out our love language, or the way we receive/give love. There are 5 categories: quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service and gifts. I received my results in that order, from greatest to least, with “gifts” at a whopping zero points. Which, I have to admit, is pretty accurate.
But before you leave to return all my homecoming gifts, you should know that I totally love and appreciate them. It means the world to me that someone took the time to go shopping (a daunting task in itself) or crafting (equally scary) on my behalf.
The part I struggle with is accepting the gift. I immediately feel the need to reciprocate in some way. Like I have to respond with such enthusiasm or a heartfelt thank you card or an equally-valued gift that it will restore some kind of relational homeostasis. Even when faced with a compliment, my initial reaction is to roll my eyes, deny its validity or retaliate with another compliment.
In reality, there’s nothing wrong with taking the gift. It’s not prideful or selfish to smile and say a genuine “thank you.” It’s probably more offensive to the giver when I brush off their offer. What a terrible feeling, to try and love someone who won’t accept it. This is something I’m working on, especially because the Christian life is centered on our ability to accept a gift.
Today is Easter (“Domingo Santo”). Last night, our team watched the Passion of the Christ. I went in knowing it would be difficult to watch, but gosh, this movie hit me to the core. There’s a point when the Roman soldiers are mocking and laughing while nailing Jesus’s hands to the cross. In between blows, he prays, “Father, forgive them. They know not what they do.” I lost it. What an expression of love that is utterly rejected and thrown back into his face.
Afterwards, I kept dwelling on the immense suffering that Jesus endured. I too often brush my sin aside, disregarding its gravity, when in reality, it was my transgression that sent him to the cross. My choices that make him cry out in agony. My rebellion that cuts him to the heart. As I fell asleep that night, my thoughts spiraled as I felt smaller and smaller, burdened by the weight of it all.
Then, this morning, I read Isaiah 53:11.
After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
Some translations say “he will see the fruit of his suffering and be satisfied”.
Jesus endured it all and was satisfied. He knew the cost, and willingly paid it for the joy set before him. The Father looked out over the history of the world, knowing that the death of his Son was the only perfect way to redeem his creation, and deemed the plan “good.”
And now he’s saying to me, “It is finished. There’s nothing you can do to repay me. Take the gift. Quit your struggle and put down your burden; take the gift and be thankful.”
Jesus conquered the grave to give us victory and freedom, not guilt and grief. He asks for our burdens willingly, joyfully, and the proper response is acceptance and gratitude. That’s the whole purpose of grace– it’s an undeserved gift. No amount of gifts, words, or actions could ever even the score. We cannot do anything to merit his love– he gives it freely and abundantly. So I’m asking God for a new view of the cross: yes it was terrible, but also beautiful, and absolutely worth it.
Speaking of undeserved gifts, meet my new team, Rocket Power! These people are hilarious and godly. This month has been so wonderful and strangely smooth; so much so, that the pessimist in me is holding her breath for the other shoe to drop. But God is continually reminding me that he is a good Father who delights in giving his children gifts. And I’m working on responding by simply smiling and saying “thank you.” I’ve been saying “thank you” a lot this month.
