I came across Psalm 94:18-19 the other day, and it pretty much encapsulates my month here in Nepal. Thanks, David, for explaining how I’m feeling better than I can.
When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
Last week, we spent three days in a remote mountain village. We partnered with a relief organization, helping to rebuild homes for families whose lives were devastated by the earthquake in 2015. The project was nearing its deadline and they were hard-pressed to finish in time. It was rewarding to see the physical progress our squad made. However, in practice, it meant we shoveled dirt and moved rocks for three days. As I sat in my tent, exhausted, achy, dusty and smelly, I wanted to cry out in frustration.
Actually, this entire month, I’ve wanted to cry out to God, “My foot is slipping!” Our ministry has been different every day—from slum ministry to dance bar ministry to “faith day” (no agenda, just allowing God to lead us). I have no time to plan, prepare or research. I feel like I’m continually losing my footing; the ground crumbles beneath me with no warning, no countdown and no time to breathe or think.
your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
Despite my failures and weaknesses, God is always a good Father. He knew that this would be a challenging month for me. And although I’ve fallen on my face multiple times (metaphorically and literally), I’ve never felt closer to Him. He’s provided alone time to spend away from our crowded house, resources to learn and grow, quality time with my team, an amazing town to explore and glorious mountains to marvel. He’s shown me His faithfulness day-by-day. He’s given me blessing after blessing and placed people in my life who point them out when I’m too wrapped up in my troubles to notice. The only thing I can count on to remain the same is God’s character. His love never fails. He’s there to catch me every time I fall.
When anxiety was great within me,
Nearing the end of Month 3, it’s hard to believe I’ve been gone for 80-ish days. My Race has shifted from a fun, new adventure to a challenging, very permanent commitment. The novelty’s worn off. Some days, I wish I were at home, where life is comfortable and familiar. I miss my family and friends. I miss the freedom of walking down the street by myself, feeling safe and knowing exactly where I am. Instead of beautiful fall leaves, there are dusty roads here. I can’t even cheer for Badger football games because we’re on opposite time zones! All the while, ministry begins to feel like an obligation and a burden, especially when we don’t get to see the results of our efforts. I usually pride myself on never falling victim to homesickness, but there have been some days where my thoughts remain nostalgic and my mood melancholy. Sometimes, when I consider the 8 months to go, I feel downright anxious.
In the Bible, the Christian life is often compared to running a race. In Nepal, the metaphor felt very fitting. Running has never been my forte—it’s usually tiresome, annoying, and at times, painful. I felt like I was running with no relief and no reward in sight. Where’s the runner’s high? Where’s the joy?
your consolation brought me joy.
“For the JOY set before him he endured the cross . . . consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary or lose heart.” Hebrews 12:3-4
Jesus found joy in the midst of the worst kind of suffering because he had vision for what was coming ahead. Though he was sweating drops of blood, he remained hopeful in his Father’s promises. Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, championed the race set before him and won the eternal reward. Although I’ve tripped and fallen short of the finish line, he carries me the rest of the way and hands me his rightful prize.
God knows my weaknesses. He knows that I’m weary and losing heart because I’ve taken my eyes off the goal. But he brings consolation by reminding me of the only true, lasting, eternal joy that is found in him. It’s the only thing that can keep me running.
Month Highlights:
- Recreating the Mean Girls “Jingle Bell Rock” dance in a squad-wide lip sync contest
- Coffee shops galore with WIFI
- Field trip to a local movie theater, where we ate CARAMEL popcorn in the seats (Brilliant!)
- Celebrating my lovely teammate Mallorie’s 24th birthday
- We are here for the two major Hindu holidays, which includes beautiful decorations and multicolored lights…. It looks like Christmas here, and I couldn’t be happier. Cue the carols!
- Our placement in India next month is at Sarah’s Covenant Homes, which works with abandoned children with special needs. Needless to say, my teammate Hannah (a special ed teacher) is bouncing off the walls.
Prayer Requests:
- For our ministry placement next month–prepare them and us for what’s ahead!
- For restorative and productive rest before we begin ministry in India
- Two of my teammates, Rebecca and Darcy, still need support to reach their fundraising goal. Please pray for God’s provision of finances! If you’d like to donate, please visit their blogs (you can find the links on the left column of my page)
