There is something strange about month 8 on the race for me. I am both very comfortable with the World Race lifestyle and completely over it at the same time.
On the one hand, it is so easy for me to live without electricity, water, and toilets. It is easy to live in community 100 percent of the time and I honestly don’t know what I will do in 4 months when I don’t have my brothers and sisters with me anymore. The things we are accustomed to in America are easy to forget about because we have become used to a minimalist lifestyle.
On the other hand, I would do almost anything for a real, hot shower, my comfortable bed, and cable television. I would pay money right now to have access to the same old clothes I left behind for the race. I never thought I could miss kitten heels so much. I long to drive my car, alone, just me and my music- or even in complete silence. Oh, to experience silence again!My last blog, Vices, explains my deep desire to bake again.The list of things I miss could go on forever.
This month has been the first month where I have really begun to miss on a much deeper level than before. I miss my family more, I miss my friends more, and I miss food more. I have a constant battle in my heart between wanting to stay present and fully devoted to the lifestyle God has called me to for this season, and just wanting to be at home in comfort. I have to force myself to remember that there is a much bigger picture to think about than my comfort level. There is a much greater mission that I know nothing about. Sometimes I just have to suck it up and rest in where the Father has me.
Instead of allowing my mind to think “Wow I STILL have 3 and a half months left. ” I have to think, “Wow, I ONLY have 3 and a half months left.” I have to let the side of my heart that wants to stay present win. And the only way to do that is by asking the Lord to help. I can’t finish this race on my own strength and that fact becomes more prominent in my life everyday. This month is a month of stretch, but it is also a month of amazing growth. So I ONLY have a short time left on the race and I have to squeeze all the goodness out of it that I can. I cannot leave this experience with regrets, even if I have to remind myself of it every minute of everyday.
Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body; what you will wear. For life is more than food and the body more than clothes.” -Luke 12:22-23
