How do I feel?
That’s a really good question. Definitely not like I thought I would.
The first time I heard about the World Race I was in the 10th grade. A sweet friend I had done summer ministry with the year before had shared with me about this crazy opportunity the Lord had given her to go to 11 countries in 11 months. Me, being an overly energetic and zealous girl who had just (a tad naively) accepted a call to missions a couple summers prior, thought that sounded like the coolest thing in the whole planet. Who even needed college with something like that?! I was ready to roll and never look back.
To my dismay, you had to be 21. Aside from that, I don’t think mom and dad would have been super down with the whole “no college” thing. And I wasn’t ready. I’m so glad the Lord gave me 6 more years of training and growing with Him. But still, I always knew that if I got to this point I would be READY and full of energy, able to leave without looking back.
Over the past six years I have gone back and forth so many times about if I could do the race, if I wanted to, or if it was for me. I wanted it and I didn’t. When would I ever do this again? A year is a really long time. Which would I regret more; doing it and missing out, or missing out on doing it? Am I doing this for the Lord or for travel?
I prayed through each of these questions as the Lord removed every excuse. It has never felt like an overwhelming push forward, but more like I had no reason not to go, none that outweighed the opportunity to share Him with people who had never heard His name.
So here I go.
But I definitely don’t feel full of energy. I haven’t slept in over 31 hours.
And I for SURE am not leaving without looking back. I have a lot to look back to. My family and friends are the best in the world. My nieces and nephews will grow so much in the 11 months I am gone. To be real, I’m falling in love with someone and now I have to kind of say “hold that thought”. It’s not ideal.
But. I know I have a lot to look forward to. I know the Lord will move in me and I will not be the same person when I return to you all. I know the Lord will move in His people around the world and I will be able to share moves of the body from every corner. I know I will get to see more places and people in the next year than many people see in a lifetime. The next year will be a treasure. I know it. I am excited. But it is not as easy to leave as I thought it would be.
The biggest thing is that it doesn’t feel real. I’m sitting in the airport in Houston getting ready to board to Santiago (Hopefully. They overbooked our flight. It’s fine.) and I cannot fathom the idea of not returning to American soil for so long. This experience has been a hypothetical dream almost for the past six years. God graciously turned it into a calling, but I have talked about it so long and set so many expectations that I can’t actually believe its happening. I don’t know what to process first.
So I feel nervous. And excited. And scared. And sad. And incompetent. And empowered. It’s literally all of them.
I’m ready to go and stop talking about it already, but I have no idea what the heck I am walking into. Please keep me in your prayers. Pray specifically that I would be able to process and experience everything to the depths that the Lord allows.
Peace and blessings, America. Love ya. See you soon!
