Since I have been in Swaziland I have been trying to think of ideas for blogs that would make it easy to share what life is like here. Living here for around a month and not having wifi to update you guys means stories on top of stories have piled up and I wasn’t sure where to begin telling them. I also want it to be raw and I want you guys to know how I actually feel. SO, a couple weeks ago I came up with the idea to share with you one thing I wrote in my journal each day that I have been here. With that being said:
September 12 (the end of the 74 hours of travel it took to get to Swazi):
“When we got out of the Vance saw that our tire was not there.The tire was not only just popped, it was completely gone.”
September 13 (Friday the 13th):
“She spoke the words ‘Swaziland. This is home’ to us. In an odd way it feels like that most of the time.”
September 14:
“There is also a whole lot of missing people. That is something I think I’ll always feel. My heart feels like it’s spread out around the whole world right now and I can’t imagine being anywhere and not missing at least one person.”
September 15:
“He is good.” (so simple but so sweet)
September 16:
“Today we had our first warm showers since leaving Atlanta.”
September 17:
“The first thing you see walking out of our home is the line of mountains that divides Swaziland and South Africa at the peak. They are a lot closer than you would probably imagine.”
“We took a kombi to ministry today. It sounded like it was a couple bumps in the road away from falling to pieces.”
September 18:
“You couldn’t love these kids wrong though. Theres not a wrong way as long as you’re near them.”
“A girl was showing me her English book today. Some of the pages were burnt out- halves of pages singed off and all that was there to show for it was cut off words and brown burn stains along the edges. She had a lot of holes in her clothes too- they all do. Other kids show up in old suit jackets handed down to them from their dads. They really don’t have a lot, but they love and dance and laugh like they do.”
ALSO “The kombi we have been taking to to ministry that I said sounded like it was ‘a couple bumps in the road from falling to pieces’ yesterday broke down today. Classic.”
September 19:
“Ive been falling asleep each night listening to my playlist called ‘home’. It’s filled up with The Beatles for mom and Vance Joy for Nikki. Makes me feel like I’m not so far.”
September 20:
“Last night we were talking about how we thought the race would look. I think this is how I thought it would look but I don’t think this is how I thought it would feel. Going into it I thought that every second of everyday would feel like my heart on the floor, overflowing with joy. Rivers of adoration and beauty. A good part of it is, don’t get me wrong, but it is still real life.”
September 21:
“Something comforting that someone mentioned to me tonight was that around 7 hours after I get to see the sunrise my family and friends at home get to see the same start of the day. And right about now, around 7 hours after I got to see the sun set here, they can see it too. In a different way but the same sun, nonetheless.”
“Even the sky here could be identified as peaceful, even in its most exuberant moments. The calm here is so unlike anything else. Each night the sun lights in neon oranges and pinks while the rest of the sky lets it take the stage. The sky is clear and simple but nothing to be sold short. Its so new and beautiful- it fits the character of this country so perfectly- still and peaceful. The earth here speaks for itself. Even the mountain line could put the way it feels here into words better than I ever could.”
September 23:
“I guess that would be the miraculous in the mundane. The joy of the people here and the beauty of life without anticipation and distraction. Thats what I’m growing in right now- learning to live in the slow and steady.”
(referring to things I have been struggling with/ growing from): “Learning to grow in it means living with it in my headspace again and that’s the hardest thing. Eva calls it growing pains.”
“The power went out about that time and everyones reaction to it was unlike anything I would have expected. Everyone immediately ran outside, cheering. When the power goes out here you can see the whole Milky Way. There were thousands of more stars than I have ever seen. When the power came back on everyone started booing. One of the purest things I have felt was when the power went back out again and there was 50 of us just standing outside in the dark, happy that there was no power, looking up. The power went in and out a few more times- continuous but never monotonous- joy. Never could have got old.”
September 24:
(part of a letter I wrote to God in Devotions one morning): “Most of the time I can’t even fathom the way each thing on earth was so intricately thought out and created- by You. Some days I beg for new eyes so that I can see the wholeness of all of this. So I can see you in all of this. I open my eyes- and I am tiny. But today I don’t feel crushed by this small, tiny feeling. I feel glad to be somewhere where You can make blue skies look like upside-down oceans in my eyes- just because you know they make me feel close to You.”
September 25 Unexpected fall weather:
“We have been having to wear 2-3 layers of clothes and sweaters. I love the way we all look bundled up in an assortment of each others clothes. Layers upon layers, not one of them matching.”
September 26:
“I really love the way it feels to hear everyone try to explain their lives at home in perfect detail. Without phones to show pictures all we can do is try to paint a picture of what it looks like with words. It feels like reading a book and imagining what all the characters look like and then when the movie comes out realizing that the way you pictured it in your mind is different than it is.”
September 27:
“We were laying on our backs, side by side, looking up at the sky. The sun shining through the holes in the playground equipment scattered a polka-dot pattern made of light over Nokwanda’s whole face. She looked so precious in that moment. Just laying by her on the playground teaches me so much about beauty in simplicity here. Thinking of ever saying goodbye to her throws my heart through hoops.”
September 28 (moms birthday):
“Dad gave her the flowers that ‘I got for her’. It was odd having her explain to me what the flowers looked like when they were from me.”
September 29:
“I could never even scratch the surface of the depths of the beauty in this place. I can’t stand the idea of making it so simplified. Not giving it enough credit. I have no desire at all to try and explain how special this all is if it means anyone just took my word for it when the best word I can find to explain this is beautiful. I wish each moment could be given the words it deserves.”
September 30:
I guess I really had no desire to try because I wrote 0 words about this day. Classic.
October 1:
“The kids took us through a shortcut on our walk to ministry today. It was more green than any other place I have seen yet here. A lot of people have been saying that they think it’s s been looking a lot greener. That makes me so happy. I have been praying each night here that the land here would all turn green again and be restored after coming out of the drought.”
“Ministry yesterday was not at all me working out of overflow. It didn’t take anything away from me but it filled me up. I left the care-point so full, of love and joy. Truer love or joy than I have ever known. An effortless one, too.
October 2:
“Not too long ago I started praying that God would tear me apart if it meant I would truly be able to feel the weight of this ministry. To ‘break my heart for what breaks Yours’. Today that’s how ministry felt. Nokwanda had her dish taken which means she lost her only meal for the day. When she was crying into my lap my heart has never felt more shattered.”
October 3:
“You could never walk down the streets here and not get to where you’re going without feeling more loved than before. Each time you go out you walk away feeling more known and acknowledged.”
(in reference to the river we walked to) “This is the most green I have seen since being here. The way down to the river is deceiving. It doesn’t look like anything special. Its not even green. As soon as you get down the hill right in front of the river it all changes. Each side of the river is lined with huge bushes of whitened yellow flowers. The most beautiful place I have been.
This is where I am going to stop for now. I know its a lot (I write a lot). That is a small glimpse of what life feels like in the month I have been here. Its beautiful and freeing and peaceful. I could never express my love for it enough. I am going to write so much more in detail about ministry and about other pieces of life here but this is a good beginning to share with you how I feel about Swaziland being my first home on the race. I love it here.
Thanks so so much for reading what I have had to say so far even though its just bits and pieces of stories. I appreciate you guys supporting me more than anything.
Elisa<3
