You should for sure read this, but before you do, I’d like to apologize for the copious amounts of times the words “dwell” and “home” were used. It may be excessive but hey, who cares! Enjoy-
Lately, I’ve really been learning how to be still.
If you know me at all, you know I am a pretty restless person. I love being around people, moving, talking, dancing and just being on the go. Well, as of recently, I have been growing a ton. In this process of growing I have realized a few new things about myself. One of them being, I quite enjoy my time alone. Sitting in silence in the presence of God, just He and I, resting. Because I’m me, this kind of contradicts my brain. My thoughts tell me to go be sociable, but my soul tells me to sit. I’m a two on the enneagram and as a two I deeply to desire to help others, not focusing attention on myself. This a good thing that can ultimately be very unhealthy, and last week it definitely was. When in a place of growth, I have to focus on and love myself, nurturing my heart and tending to my personal needs, and as a two this is very difficult for me to do. I was hurt by my own sate of mind because I wasn’t able to completely cater to others. Now, I have accepted the fact that I am changing and learning so much about who I am, that I’m finally allowing myself to be in a caring head space and self-aware and loving me, dwelling in this in the healthiest way for all the right reasons.
As I have been learning how to dwell, it has actually come up often in conversations and teachings here at Adventures Guatemala. On multiple occasions I have heard people, mentors, church goers and friends talk to me about abiding and dwelling in the Lord, especially when pertaining to the thought of home. So, I’d like to share with y’all a little bit of what I have been learning!
On Monday night, we had a worship workshop with two AIM base staffers, Stephen and Michelle. The most lovely and kind married couple. Michelle spoke on what it means to dwell. Dwell can be defined in two different ways, one- to live in or at a specific place. Or two- to think, speak or write about in length. Both are good, both have to do with home, whether that be physical or spiritual! Basically, a dwelling place is a home. When I think of home, I don’t necessarily think of my actual house located in the middle of Dripping Springs, Texas, 30 minutes west of Austin. I think of people. The people that reside in that house, being my momma, grandmommy and sis. I think of my dad, of my best friends. I think of my world race community. Basically, just anyone who loves me well and loves me deep, they are home to me. All of my positive home associations have to do with relationships. I feel most at home around others, in company that I thoroughly enjoy. Finding comfort in the people I absolutely adore. That emotional aspect of home is what I want to dwell in. More importantly, I desire to daily dwell in my home with God. Just like the Holy Spirit, who has made a home in me. He resides in me, so it is possible for myself to literally feel at home, at peace, and in intimacy ANYWHERE.
On the topic of home, I had a realization that night during the workshop. I realized it is totally normal for me to feel restriction and anxiety about returning home in 26 days. My idea and outlook on home has completely changed during the race. I have completely changed during the race. I know how I work and my identity, but my physical home and the people there haven’t seen me how I am now yet, and thats ok. When I think of those people who haven’t seen this me, I know that the relationships are still intimate. I know I don’t have to entertain them, I can be silent and we can still be content in our relationship. But, even so, I need to be intentional, I need to dive deep into this family when I return so that they can know and love every new part of me. So that we can dwell together in companionship. I need to invite people in now and when I return. I need to live my life fostering a dwelling place with the Father. Living a life that when people see me, they cant help but see a little bit of Jesus, too. What a dang good epiphany.
I am learning that if I’m not still, I cant listen. That I need to linger in His presence and receive. He will meet my desire to feel at home, to feel seen, to feel loved. I don’t have to search for home anywhere because He lives in me, and I dwell in Him. That is why the fall (Adam and Eve) is so tragic, they lost home. That is why the receiving of the Holy Spirit is so powerful, He made a home within, giving us Him again.
Writing helps me process, and as I typed this blog I became content and excited for my return home. Thinking about leaving my WR family is so sad, but that sadness is a beautiful thing. It means I have had the most wonderful journey. I have learned and experienced so much of God in myself right now that I want to invite people in. And I want everyone to know this, something that Michelle said that has not left my head and really resonated with my heart- Who we are as His children is most important. Dwell in that. Be still. God is SO DELIGHTED to be our Father. So delighted.
