This month, the Lord has been testing me a lot in faith. In my mind I trust Him fully but it’s hard to translate that to my stubborn heart. I know that He can do anything. I could write an eloquent essay explaining the evidence we have to prove that He exists, that He created everything and that He can do the impossible. I know the verses that empower us to move mountains by His power. I know it all, but I just can’t get my heart to believe it.
There is a guy in the bible who seemed to have the same issue I have. This guy isn’t named. He is simply referred to as “someone in the crowd”. In Mark 9, when Jesus was in Caesarea Phillipi with His disciples, they came across a man whose son was possessed by an unclean spirit – one that made him mute and caused him to run into fire and water to try to kill himself. That sounds like a bummer, so I understand this man’s distress. “Someone in the crowd”, said to Jesus, “If you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” Jesus, clearly appalled, replied, “If you can! All things are possible for him who believes.” I can imagine Jesus in this moment thinking “Did this bro just have the audacity to question my ability? Oh no he didn’t.” I’m sure that’s my flesh demeaning Jesus’ pure thoughts, but maybe.
This reminds me of my sixth grade english teacher. Stay with me. Every time I asked “can I go to the bathroom” she would respond “I would hope so.” But, the word “can” has a bigger meaning in my life than I realized while trying to pee in my pre adolescent period. You see, my teacher was trying to get me to ask “may I go to the bathroom?” – as opposed to “can I go to the bathroom?” I’m sure the poor Ceasarean Phillipian with a possessed son wasn’t thinking too much about grammar when he desperately approached Jesus, but his grammar may have given some insight into the posture of his heart. The word “can” signifies someones ability to do something, so “someone in the crowd” asked if Jesus was able to heal his son, not if He was willing to heal his son.
How many times do we ask if God can do something? I find myself often saying “Father, can you please heal me… can you help me meet my fundraising goal?” Of course He can. What I should be asking is “will you help me”. Yes, this may just be the same grammar problem that made me resent my sixth grade english teacher, or it may be a deeper issue. You see, our mouths are portholes into our hearts. The question on my heart today is, why would God honor our prayers if we don’t ask with confidence in His ability to answer them?
Verse 24 reads, “immediately, the father of the child cried out and said, ‘I believe; help my unbelief!” In reading this verse I felt immense conviction. The Lord gently asked me, “in what parts of our life do you need to pray this?” I sat dumbfounded. Here I am on this year long mission trip trying to connect with God and be all holy and stuff and God is asking me if I really believe in Him? There were and are many areas of my life where, in the depths of my heart, I do doubt His ability and desire to work. I sat in humility and shame for a moment. Then, I read the next sentence, because that is how reading works, and to my surprise, Jesus commanded the spirit to leave. Jesus didn’t hold this man’s disbelief over him, instead He had grace and honored the man’s desire to believe and his humility in asking by healing his son. I was confused. I asked, “where is the justice?” Why would He answer this man’s prayer or mine? We don’t even really believe. He reminded me that His grace is bigger than our disbelief, but our disbelief is the only thing that limits his power in our life. He told me to pray that man’s desperate request over my own life: “I believe; help my unbelief!”
This whole grace thing actually happens a lot in the bible. Think back to the Israelites who God delivered from Egypt. They witnessed some of the most amazing miracles of all time, like the plagues and God literally manifesting Himself in a pillar of fire to guide them through the wilderness, yet time and time again they grumbled and complained about not having water or enough variety in their food. They turned from Him and praised other idols. If I was God here, I’d get angry and leave them all to die, so it is a good thing I am not God. He still gave them the promise land. He had grace. One chapter before “someone in the crowd’s” fifteen minutes of fame, Jesus feeds 4000 with just a few loaves of bread and some fish, the second time he performed this exact miracle, except the first time He fed 5000. The disciples watched both of these, and directly after the feeding of the 4000 found themselves in a boat with no bread… ironic, right? Mark 8, verse 16, reads “and they began discussing with one another the fact that they had no bread.” I assume discussing is code for complaining about… Verse 17 continues, “Jesus, AWARE OF THIS, said to them, ‘Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread? Do you not yet perceive or understand? Are your hearts hardened?… Do you not remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand… and the seven for the four thousand.’And He said to them ‘Do you not yet understand?'”
His disciples literally just watched Him provide food for thousands of people from some little kid’s lunch pail, and the Israelites saw him do some stuff too, like split a body of water in half to deliver them from Egypt, but in both instances His people didn’t even trust Him to provide for their basic needs. He said to them “Do you not yet understand?” The Lord knows our needs and the desires of our heart. I love that Mark 8:16 points out that Jesus was “aware of this”. Mark is just blatantly admitting how ignorant they were and I think He sounds like a witty guy. But, I digress. I am here on the World Race watching Him do tremendous miracles all around me. He has provided an unfathomable sum thus far for me to be here, yet I question His ability to provide the rest. I have seen Him miraculously heal the bones in my leg, yet I get a cold and don’t trust His ability to heal me. Do I not remember? Is my heart hardened? I pray with hope, but not expectantly. I am ashamed to say I have prayed without confidence in His ability and desire to bless me. But, He is able and He doesn’t hold back any good gift that is within His perfect will for us. Every time I doubt Him I see Him, exasperated, saying, “Elisabeth, do you not yet understand?”
Yes, our Heavenly Father has grace and still provides, but imagine the miracles we could see occur if we humbled ourselves before Him and asked for His help. I challenge myself and each and every one of you to pray every morning, “Help my unbelief!” I can’t imagine how He will grow our faith together and grow His ability to work through us, because we are the only ones who place limits on that. He is asking today, in what places do you not yet understand? In what areas of your life is your heart hardened? Is it your finances, your bitterness towards that person, your sex life, your tendency to lie your way out of things? Surrender them to Him. I know the reality of that statement is much more challenging than it is to simply write. I also know our will is not better than His and we are not smarter than He is. He is able and He will honor the faith you have in giving these things to Him. Giving up control or pleasure may sound heavy but His burden is light.
“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
– Ephesians 3 :20-21
