Readers!
Currently sitting in a coffee/ surf shop called ROAM, on the main street of Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica. I have been coming here almost every day off so far. The atmosphere is pretty legit, and I like to look at surfboards that I have no idea how to use and absolutely cannot afford while drinking some good tea.
This past week, our squad did manual labor around the YWAM base that is hosting us. It can look quite different depending on what needs work, and this week a team consisting of myself and four of my squadmates headed into the jungle with a few machetes, rakes, and an ax to clear some of the lands.
After the second day of work, our ministry host Rasta and I (his name is Yohan, but Rasta is his nickname) were overlooking some of the work we had done. He was quite surprised at the work us gringos can put in! While we were walking around the newly cleared jungle, he shared some of the vision for our labor with me; eventually, he hopes to build a new kitchen building, and even maybe a soccer field to invite kids from around the community to come to play! This man has a beautiful heart for building the kingdom, and it has been an honor to come under him, helping fulfill the dreams he has for his life and the mission of Christ.
Earlier in that second day, as we were working, Shanan, Abby, and I were able to have some good conversation. We were asking questions that stirred our hearts, sharing about what God has been doing in each of us, and delighting in the gift of community. During our escapade, I felt a question rising up in me, “What is something you have sacrificed for the kingdom of God?”
Jesus often talked about sacrifice. Throughout all of the New Testament the idea of abandoning everything we have ever known, in pursuit of the abundant life Jesus promises, is clear. Though, merely because something is written down in the Bible, does not mean that it instantly makes sense in either meaning or application; a deep hunger is required to find the answers that so many hearts and souls long for, though few are willing to remain hungry. Sacrifice is required; sacrifice of time, attention span, and even our right-ness.
I have, probably as often as Jesus mentioned it in Scripture, sat down and wondered what on earth it means to sacrifice my life. To say no to many desires, to not pursue dreams, and even to leave my family whom I love behind simply because a man told me to follow him? Why would I do that?
Good question. For a long time, I didn’t. I ignored what I knew was a beckoning from the King of Kings to come before his throne fully exposed and ready to be equipped to do whatever he asked of me. I did this because I didn’t understand why he even called me in the first place.
There is much comfort in understanding. As a lil’ tiny human being with many imperfections and limitations, it brings an enlarged feeling of capability that empowers me to live confidently. Yet, as soon as many of us fail to understand any certain thing, our capacity seemingly and suddenly disappears. I have found my heavy dependence on understanding to be intensely satisfying and disabling in the most deceitful way. In this dependence, the enemy has much ground to speak into our lives; to tell us how unworthy of a position we are, or how we do not deserve trust or love due to our inabilities. I lived, unconsciously handing power to the enemy, in this dependence for most of my life so far. It, dear reader, is absolutely terrible – ruining any sort of pursuit to know or be known by God in a more intimate way.
But what if I told you that our understanding has never been required for our obedience?
Don’t lose me here – it feels amazing when we understand. From math problems tmany imperfections and limitations, it brings an enlarged feeling of capability that empowers me to live confidently. Yet, as soon as many of us fail to understandwhat may happen due to their lack of understanding. Though, we don’t have to understand God to follow him. We do not have to understand God to accept the invitation to become his children
In the Scriptures, we see Jesus call the first disciple, Simon Peter. Jesus was walking through the docks along the side of the sea and saw Peter from afar. Then he called out and said that he would make Peter a “fisher of men” instead of a fisherman. I love to imagine Peter, in his work clothes, jumping into the ocean and swimming as fast as he can toward Jesus, completely overcome with excitement to walk into the identity Jesus had designed him for since the beginning of time.
I can not imagine, though, that in the short interaction Peter had with Jesus, that he fully knew what he had just committed to. Did Peter know that he would go to sacrifice every preference, his reputation, and even his life, in following Jesus and being taught by him? Nah, fam. He didn’t.
In the same way, we will never understand the full weight of what Christ is calling us into. So if you are searching to understand the ways of God before you commit, I really want you to know that you won’t ever find it. You will waste your life searching for something you will never find. And it is so scary – I know. To jump into something we don’t know in its entirety illogical, and some would even say unwise. Though, is your incessant need to understand out of fear or shame hindering you from living in a life that cannot be taken from you? A life that is hidden with Christ in the heavenly places?
I would say yes. Though, it is not up to me to decide for you. I walked in a dependency to understand, and I missed out on this beautiful life in which I am living – knowing the Father and having the Father know me. Understanding is comfortable. It makes us feel secure, and can almost make us live with ourselves despite the intense brokenness we know is present.
The invitation to face your darkness is before you – you can not do it alone. It is intensely uncomfortable, and most likely will not be encouraged by those around you. This is the reason why Christ has made the way for you to walk into the throne room of the Father; so you can do it before him instead. In kindness and grace, he will comfort you as you mourn. He will satisfy you as you hunger. He will heal you as he sees you hurting, never wasting pain on those whom he loves. It will require you to bring everything before him. The fullness of your heart and your soul and your mind. You will have to come before him, fully trusting his steadfast and beautiful character, when you can not understand what he is doing or why.
Once Abby and Shanan were answering the question I asked, Abby asked me the same question. It took me a while, and a few answers came out before this one. Though, as soon as it left my mouth, I knew it was true. I said to her, “I have sacrificed the comfort of disobedience for the Kingdom.”
I can’t understand everything. It has humbled me and brought me low before my Father. I required understanding to be obedient, and when I couldn’t understand, I chose disobedience instead, knowing it was more comfortable.
To walk in obedience has required my repentance, and my willingness to trust that what the Lord is doing is for his glory and my good. His character is Love. He knows what I need. He is reliable and trustworthy. His faithfulness is constant and he never leaves me in the dust. Always inviting, always initiating, and always knowing, He invites me to walk into the abundant life that He has planned out for me since before I was born. How could I not accept the invitation?
He invites you just the same. You struggle with different things and have had things happen to you that has never happened to me. Yet the Father is the same for you as he is for me. The same guy, you know?
With all that said, I want to leave you with this question: Are you willing to sacrifice your life for the Kingdom of God? Sit down with yourself. Then seek the Lord, and ask him how to do that. He’ll let you know.
-Elijah
