During the month in South Africa, I found myself unable to discern my own convictions, which is ridiculous coming from someone who grew up in a Christian home her whole life, yet it was an issue. I didn’t want to be a sinner, but I also didn’t want to be religious. I was quietly battling with this for a couple months, so of course one day it all came of me at once, “Was that right or wrong?” “Am I making the right choices?”
At home I had my parents and siblings who would tell me when something was allowed or not in the Christian faith. Well, now at 22-years-old and on the race with no adult supervision but my own, I was lost. The enemy was drilling my thoughts with, “ You’re not a christian, you’re of the world, your family would be ashamed of you.”
I started to panic to the point of having to lay down. I didn’t calm down until my team prayed for me. “What was that?!” I didn’t understand what had just happened. I went from laughing to hyperventilating in 2 seconds. Fear. A fear so strong I couldn’t stay standing. And it was all because I felt like I was of the world–a sinner! “But I’m on the race! What could be further from the truth?!”
Religion
Doctrine
Think about it. There are so many different “religions” out there, but which one is the right one? The one you think sounds good, or the one that fits your lifestyle? So many say they’re right, but which one really is? I wish different doctrines had never been created; granted, a few are off, but aren’t we all fighting for the same side? With the same purpose? To bear fruit for the kingdom? It’s obvious the enemy uses it for separation in the churches.
All these questions were bouncing around in my head. No wonder I had to lay down! I started to question everything I had learned. The next morning I woke up and simply said, “What is right and what is wrong, Lord?” I grabbed my Bible, and I had a folded piece of paper marking my spot in Matthew, but my Bible opened to Galatians where I realized I had a similar folded piece of paper:
“My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why don’t you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?” (Gal 5:16-18) MSG
There was a very dramatic palm-to-the-forehead moment after I read this! The Lord could not be any clearer! Live by my Spirit! HE will let me know what’s right and what’s wrong. HE will give me the discernments and convictions to live a life led by HIM.
I continued to read in Galatians and the Lord continued showing and teaching me:
“Yet, we know that people don’t receive God’s approval because of their own efforts to live according to a set of standards, but only by believing in Jesus Christ. So we also believed in Jesus Christ in order to receive God’s approval by faith in Christ and not because of our own efforts. People won’t receive God’s approval because of their own efforts to live according to a set of standards.” (Gal 2:16) GWT
“The obvious impossibility of carrying out such a moral program should make it plain that no one can sustain a relationship with God that way.” (Gal 3:11) MSG
Life, knowledge, and understanding was being poured into me with each verse that I read! Why would I choose a law-dominating religion over a personal encounter with God? He is writing a path that is specifically for ME! That no one else has but ME! I choose Love. I choose Relationship. I choose Freedom.
I choose the Spirit!
-Miss Leina
