*Dislaimer- all of the information below is based on personal experience, not mere speculation
-
One thing is for sure, the World Race is never boring. As a good missionary to India, you never know exactly what will happen so you have to be ready for anything. You may find yourself in the middle of the night running for your life to catch a train. Once inside be ready to jump from car to car, and remember that the aisles are only a foot wide so be sure to whack each person you pass with your oversized pack. You may also need to catch a ride on the back of a pick up truck or ride with 20 people crammed into a taxi meant for 6.
-
When charging electronics, you must always remember to turn the electricity off before removing items from the outlet or you will be most likely be electrocuted in the arm. And don’t forget, the electricity current is twice as strong as in the States. (Don’t worry I was fine, only a bit shocked..lol)
-
When you go out to pray for villagers door to door you may be asked to lay hands on their dehydrated dog or sick water buffalo so have a few well versed animal prayers prepared and make sure your rabies shots are up to date. If you are really good, they will ask you to pray for their truck while you are at it. While praying, random people may drop to the floor and roll around or start kissing your feet so you must always be on your toes, no pun intended J
-
During Gospel meetings do not stand directly under the trees or a large bird may poop on your jacket while you are preaching. If said bird does poo on you, be sure to make loud farting noises with your mouth to make the Indian villagers laugh. Some things are just universally comical. Also remember if a scorpion crawls by your foot do not stare at it in amazement but promptly kill it before it kills you. Also be ready to defend your tent from spiders, mosquitos, and cockroaches so large they could pick up your tent with you inside.
-
As a good missionary in India, you must quickly learn the simple nuances of the Indian head-bob to survive in communication. Just a slight variation in the direction of the head bob may be the difference between yes, no, maybe, and get lost, silly American. However, most local villagers will be fascinated with you simply because your skin is white. Be prepared for people to pull their cars over while you are walking down the street just to take a photo with you. Do not freak out when you wake up to people staring at you through the windows, watching you sleep in your tent. Also, there will most likely be a small crowd of children to watch you while you brush your teeth, exercise, or put on makeup. Get used to the fact that they will say ‘advanced good morning’ to you instead of ‘good night’ and you will have no less than 200 people ask to shake your hand in any given day. They will tell you church starts at 9 am but don’t fall for that…they really mean 1 pm and you must be prepared with a song, dance, or testimony they will ask you to do, whether you are ready or not. You may also be asked to teach the cha-cha slide to local children in your down time so you will want to prepare some cool dance steps in advance.
-
Be sure to leave your Atkins Diet at home because every meal will most likely be white rice with bread or possibly potato…all with curry so spicy your taste buds will never be the same. Green vegetables are a thing of the past and don’t be alarmed if you find yourself regularly daydreaming about cheeseburgers and fries. If you are lucky you will be provided with chicken but you may have to watch them kill it before you eat it and will come with full bones and organs mixed in. Remember that utensils are not allowed– you must eat everything with your hands, specifically your right hand because Indians use the left hand only for wiping in the bathroom. And remember that most ‘bathrooms’ are just a hole in the ground, AKA-squatty potty- so make sure you aim well. Also be sure to bring your own supply of toilet paper because if you run out they will have to special order it weeks in advance. Expect to wear the same clothes for 2 or 3 days straight and only shower once a week. When you do shower it will just be a bucket of freezing cold water dumped over your head so be sure to be nice and hot before you wash up.
Above all else, remember all of this is for God and enjoy the ride! You will see amazing things as He opens your eyes and breaks your heart for this wonderful nation.
It’s hard to believe my first month is already up and we are getting ready to say goodbye to India. Here is a video of my journey so far:
